Thursday

Yesterday was a long dayI went horse riding in the morning Which as always was brilliantWe are now concentrating on our technique Our position Our leg positionIt was all a bit confusing if I am honest But I am just trying to concentrate on one thing at a time And hopefully it will all come together in the end Star was in great form yesterday And was truly a joy to ride Even if he does spend quite a lot of time trying to bite me He lives up to his name every weekHe is a starWe also did some cantering Which is exhilarating Every time I do it I get butterflies in my tummy But then it is just pure enjoyment and fun It's a buzz The kind I used to get off narcotics It's amazing to have found a natural high So bloody amazing After riding We had a quick cuppa Before heading offAs i had to work at 4pmI get a lift to riding with Fintan every week He picks me up in town at 10am And we head out We always stop in the village To buy carrots for the horsesAnd a bit of chocolate for a bit of energy Myself and Fintan have become great friends And we have discovered that we have an awful in common Not just the horse riding Fintan is what they call a para rider As he has a condition that effects his muscles I really enjoy his company every weekAnd we always have a good laugh Sometimes we have serious conversations tooBut whatever the topic We always enjoy it We keep in contact during the week tooIn fact I am just off the phone from himHe is about 15 years older than meSo I get to see the benefit of his experience Which is great Especially where the riding is concerned It also has shown me what true friendship looks like And Fintan is fast becoming a very good friend In fact I have made a few new friends recently At work tooAnd slowly but surely I am letting go of people who have thrown me the scraps of friendship And expected me to be grateful for the fumes of friendshipI made the mistake of depending on one person And when that person inevitably lets me down I have nothing There is one particular girl Who blows hot and cold And often lets me down Now I can see that I don't have to put up with that shit I deserve better I am a good friend Loyal If you are my friend Then I look out for you I have your back I'll be there to laugh with you through the good times And let you cry on my shoulder through the tough times But treat me badly And I don't stick around You won't see me for dust
Anyway After riding I went to my favorite shop To stock up on dog food Before heading home I was home just after 2pm And had to work at 4pmI forced myself to eat something As if my brain is not fed properly It just won't functionAnd I generally feel all over the place So I had some tea and toast 
Another little issue im having is my Meds If I am working I usually don't then until I get homeBut yesterday for example On the way home from riding I was yawning non stop And my eyes were streaming The first symptoms of opiate withdrawal So I took my methadone when I got home And waited to take my Meds until I got home from work But it flags a problem In that I do need to sort out the way I take them So I guess I will talk to my doctor next week 
So yea Life is good And my faith in the human race was restored yesterday When I was in the super market And when my items were scanned. I realised that I didn't have my wallet with me In a fluster I apologised to the check out guy And said that I would have to leave it I was walking away When someone called me back The man behind me in the queue paid for my shopping!How nice was that?I thanked himAnd was really blown awayIt was only a few euros But the gesture was huge So today I did my good deed And picked up an old man who was walking in to the village in the pouring rain And it felt good to pay it forward 
Apart from that All is well I'm workingI'm also working on my recovery I'm getting out there Socialising Mixing with people I'm getting out of the house And out of my own sick head I'm doing my best to be a good person And every day I ask for help to not hurt myself or anyone elseGod knows things were sour for long enoughBut that just makes the good times that bit sweeter 
So That's me over and out for today I will love you and leave you And see you on the next post I must post some photos tooAs I haven't done that in a whileSee you soon....