- People who refuse to corral their shopping carts after offloading stuff to their cars and trucks. They just leave them in the parking spaces. The front bumper of my car had intimate knowledge of such a cart this morning. I suppose I’ll be levelled with the eresponsibility for supporting any cartlette by-products from this unholy encounter
- Those who insist Dane Cook is funny
- The current writers and musical guest bookers on Saturday Night Live. While I can still comprehend most the zeitgeist in the sketches, I have no idea who the majority of the hosts or the bands are. To hell they must go for reminding me I’ve aged. And heave one in my direction for still trying to watch that damn show
- Nicholas Sparks who writes stories that only fuel the hopes of all hopeless romantics
- Cameron Crowe for introducing us to thee schlockiest line in all of filmdom: ”You complete me”. If I hear that uttered in one more wedding vow or in a conveyance of one’s own love story, I shall wretch on the person seated to my right with Vesuviun velocity. There will be consequences
- Sellers who don’t disclose the little annoying things that are wrong with the house they’re trying to sell
- Shoppers who change their minds about purchasing that half pound of liver, so they leave the stuff wherever they happen to be standing. The aisle isn’t important; returning it back to the butcher section would require ”effort”. I fully intended to buy a box of cheese crackers this morning. Instead, I reached to the back of the shelf and pulled out a vile smelling Styrofoam tray filled with shrink-wrap covered bovine cirrhosis specimens.
- Tiny penised man who insists on putting huge tractor tires or whatever they are, on the axles of a basic pick-up
- Thirty to mid forty somethings–gender unimportant–who go to bars and order Pina Coladas
- Those who don’t mouth the words “thank you” or wave in gratitude when you either let them pass in a single lane or allow them into traffic from a drive way or parking lot
- People who insist Scott Baio has been annually robbed of the “Best Actor In A Comedy Series” Emmy since 1977
- Justin Beiber. Why? I’m not sure.
- Madonna’s ego
- Madonna’s stylist
- Former presidents who can’t stand the stillness of their lives once out of office. After a certain point, the limelight only exacerbates one’ wrinkles and blemishes
- D-list celebrities who compete in crazy reality shows just to keep their names in the trades. “Celebrity Circumcisions on FOX” ….Gennifer Flowers on “Celebrity Natural Gas Fracking”….The surviving cast members of “Gilligan’s Island on “Easy Celebrity Urology: Detecting The Presence of Nitriuria and Coliform Bacteria In Random Urine Specimens Donated From Willing Participants of The Black Panther Party (Members Circa 1968)”" on ABC Thursday at 9:00 PM Eastern/8:00 Central …..and….. Kathy Garver , TV’s Cissy from “Family Affair” on “Celebrity Wheat Harvesting”, tonight on RURAL-TV
- People who blithely break other peoples’ hearts
- People who refer to terrorists as hooligans
- Certain members of a certain family made famous by infamy who insist on using the word “like” in every sentence. The whiney, nasal-infused monotone tone in which they speak, doesn’t help matters. HINT: One member of this glitterati’d klan is ripe with fetus and from all appearances, carrying it in her ass
- Stress fractures
- Visible moles and/or sebaceous cysts large big enough to include their own Black Diamond Ski trail
- People who drone on and on about how happy their family lives are in the open display case that is Facebook
- Boring Chinese Food
- Bloating
- Nazis
- Napoleon’s tailor
- Visigoths
- Baloney burps
- Three out of the last five of my boyfriends. They know who they are.
And after my new book is published, the world will too!!!!!!!!!!
