The Boy Bites Back

It was Saturday eveningI had just had s great day with my mom and sisterWe climbed a mountainThen went for dinnerAnd I was generally feeling really goodHappy to be aliveGrateful to be clean and sober Feeling contentAnd dare I say it, happy?We had just come homeI sat with the dogs for a whilePlugged in my phone to chargeAnd settled down in front of the telly with a cup of tea
I was watching The CubeWhen my phone rangThinking it was my friend who I had just textedI jumped up to answer itI looked at the screenAnd to my shock and surpriseSaw it was The BoyI stared at the phone Not knowing what the hell to doMy sister saw my faceAnd asked me what was wrongI told her nothingThat it was a private number I didn't want to tell her who it really was And possibly worry her
Needless to sayI didn't answer itI sat back downFeeling shook and anxiousThen my phone pinged a messageI checked itAnd it was a voice mailI dialled 171And listened to the messageIt was himAsking me to ring himAnd also telling me that my ex boyfriend was staying with him for a whileAnd did I want to meet upI hung upAnd felt stunnedSeconds later my phone pinged againA text messageAsking me to ring him If I wanted 'plenty of tea'I put the phone downAnd tried to process this informationI haven't heard from The Boy in quite a whileSo this is really out of the blueI actually had a physical reactionMy heart was racingAs were my thoughtsI felt shakey and unstableAnd I would have killed for a smoke just for something to do
It really unsettles me to know that both The Boy and my ex boyfriend are in my areaHaving poppy teaAnd probably plenty more besides I'm guessing I really don't want to know what they are doingWhat drugs are availableI would rather not knowAnd live in blissful ignorance
It's now MondayTwo days since he rangI haven't texted or rang him back It hasn't even been an option I know I can'tI have too much to loseThings are just getting back to normal after the last debacleI think my mom would lose her mind if I used againI don't want her to have to go through that again
We moved up here ten years ago to get away from the drug sceneYes it was a geographicalAnd no that's not the answerBut it gave us a chance for a fresh startAnd gave us breathing spaceAnd time to healBut now it seems like my old life is catching up with meAnd I don't like itI don't like it at all
So the plan is damage limitationI haven't told my mom or my sister Maybe I shouldBut I don't want to worry themI'm seeing Breda this morning so I will talk to her and hatch a planI just really don't need this right nowThings are just starting to turn around for meAbd this is really a testA test for my willpowerFor my resolveMy will to recoverBut I feel pretty sure that I won't useAt least I hope I won't