I’m a believer in keeping life fresh by trying new things. The special thing is, I do not have to TRY to try new things. They just happen when I am not paying attention (like falling down the stairs on my tailbone or farting in yoga). I do admit, some things I do on purpose, but many are just a result of spacieness.
New Things:
Thing #1: I now run with things stuffed in my sports bra. Many of my shorts and shirts don’t have pockets and I don’t always carry a fuel belt or pack. For my last marathon, I ran with 5 gels in my bra, which was nice because it actually looked like I had breasts. Other things I stuff in my bra these days? Heidi’s dog tag so I can let her off leash, Shot Bloks and sometimes keys or a tampon. You could put condoms in there too if you thought you might get lucky out on the run. I don’t do that.
Thing #2: I brushed Heidi’s teeth. I have never brushed a dog’s teeth before and it is weird. Like all dogs, she has breath that smells like a combination of turd and tuna fish, so I thought brushing her teeth might help. Thing is, the toothpaste is beef flavor, so now her hot breath just smells like beef with undertones of turd and tuna. Next I’m going to floss with salmon flavored Glide.
Thing #3: I left some clothes in the closet in my hotel in Los Angeles. This is a true indication that I have too much on my plate. I have never done that before. They are sending them to me with a note that says, “Here you go, dumb ass.”
Thing #4: Today I took my son’s car through the car wash (to be nice and because he does favors for me like get Frosties when I ask). As of late, he has been “mudding,” which apparently means driving one’s car through 3 feet of mud, doing donuts, getting stuck and having to be towed out by friends.
I am not a huge fan of this mudding thing, but as teens go you have to pick your battles, and I decided not to take this one on. I’ll save my energy and big lectures for upcoming subjects like how to not fail Spanish III, how to separate darks and colors and why he will not live in our basement until he’s 30.
Anyway, I chose a high powered car wash hoping to get all of the mud off of the under carriage. As I put the car in neutral and began the journey through the car wash tunnel, water started trickling in from above the windshield, almost like a soft stream of urine. Then suddenly, the stream became a river and water poured in all over me and interior of the car. I was soaked. I had nowhere to go. I yelled a few choice words, most of them beginning with F and ending with UCK. When I got out, the car wash guy told me the sunroof was open about 3”. I did not know this because the cover inside the car was closed. You can still learn new things at the ripe age of 47.
Thing #5: I went to see an old teen heart-throb. Are you old enough to remember Rick Springfield? I loved him back in the day. Jessie’s Girl, etc. I even wore Love’s Baby Soft perfume to the concert because I thought it might make him happy. Funny thing, he played this song called “Inside Sylvia” that I used to love when I was 13. I never knew then how sexual the lyrics really are (duh! just look at the title). Did you know he is 64 years old? He says he had “bad” plastic surgery when he was younger.
Okay, that’s all I’ve got in the way of new experiences for the week.
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Anything new experiences for you this week? Give me one. Just one.
What’s the last concert you saw? Did you have a teen crush? I also really liked Andrew McCarthy.
Ever stuff your bra? Never with tissue, only with gels.
SUAR
