Taking the Rough with the Smooth....

Life is full of ups and downs And the only real constant is changeAs you knowI go horse riding on a Wednesday And for the last couple of weeks I've been been doing two classes instead of one Because the equestrian center is a full hours drive from my house So it makes sense for me to make the trip worthwhile Let me tell you in no uncertain terms Horse riding is not easy The pros make it look effortlessAnd you could be fooled in to thinking that the horse does all the work But in actual fact it is hard work controlling a horse Trotting can be exhausting As you are using your whole body to rise and fall in rythm with the horseYou need to be pretty fit to ride a horse properly There is a reason why I'm always sore the next day It's because I am engaging so many different muscle groups while riding Anyway In my first lesson yesterday There was myself, Fintan and another girl called Laura Eilish is our instructor From the get go She was pushing us hard For me It was getting my posture correct And for Fintan It was his legs Fintan has a condition that wastes his muscles And he is finding riding tough going at the moment Fintan has become a really good friend over the last few months We talk every day in the phone We travel to riding together And we generally get along very wellBut back to the point of this post After a warm up And a few rounds of trotting It was time for cantering For the last couple of weeks I have been stressing about my canter As it doesn't always happen for meAnd I don't know why So I was first upI trotted Star on and we got to the corner Eilish was shouting at me to 'Sit in!!'And I was trying my best But it didn't happen She had me circle and go back around to try again But The same thing happened I was beginning to get frustrated at this point But Eilish had me go round againAnd this time she gave me a whipI trotted on Trying to get a steady pace So Star could easily transition in to a canter At the corner I gave him a tap of the whip as I sat in And straight away He went into a canter He really is a tidy little mover when he wants to be I got such a buzz off cantering around the arena As I reached the back of the arena I heard Eilish shout something at me I thought she said go around again But she had actually been telling me to circle I didn't hear in time thoughAnd went around the arena again It feels amazing when the canter comes togetherBut it is beyond frustrating when it doesn't work out And more often than not I can't tell why it hasn't workedEilish really pushed me though And it can be hard to take After the first lessonShe asked me if I thought she was being too hard on is I said I didn't And I don't As a lot of the time I do better when pushed But sometimes Communication is an issue And something's get lost in translationBut I am so hard on myself anyway So having someone else be hard on me too can be a bit of a downer So the first lesson finishedAnd myself and Fintan got a cuppa And had a meeting about the lesson The general consensus was that it's a real bummer when the riding doesn't happen for usBut It's like anything Some days it happens And other days it doesn't And it could be down to any number of things The horse FatigueOr a combination of both That's just the way it is You hAve to take the rough with the smooth 
As I said earlier I am very hard on myself And am probably a bit of a perfectionist I want to be the very best that I can be I was to grow And improve And thrive I love horse riding But I also love to be good at it Fintan tells me that he is happy to walk and trot and do a bit of dressage But I'm not I want more I want to go as far as I can with this Where that is?I have no clue But I am excited to find out To explore my potential I put a huge amount of effort in to horse riding It takes me over an hour to drive thereAnd in every lesson I give it my all Because I love it Because I want to be the best horse rider that I can be  I guess that is my personality And when I was illI used these traits in a self destructive wayI used my stubbornnessDetermination And perfectionistic streak to maintain an addiction And also to lose weight I am the type of person that when I want something I will get it come hell or high water In my addiction It was like playing a game of cat and mouse Trying to stay one step ahead of withdrawals And I was always playing catch upI was constantly trying to come up with money to feed my habit And it is truly amazing the ways and means that I went to to score my drugThe lengths I went to were truly incredible So now I guess I am putting these traits and skills in to healthier pursuits Like horse riding Like my jobI swear If I put half the energy in to improving life as I did in to my addiction Then I am doing wellThat is for sure 
In other news I haven't heard back from the course I applied for I really hope to hear something before the weekend I just want to know if I have a place or not As I hate hanging around just waiting But if it doesn't work out Then I will find something else I trust that I will be guided in to the right pathAnd that I am exactly where I am supposed to beAs someone once said When one door closes A window opens I just hope my next window leads me to a happy place I just want to do something to learn To be happy Content To work in an area I love To be a good person That's all I want
So that brings me to the end of another post Thank you for staying with me I know the changes in my life and my blog are difficult to adjust to But I appreciate you sticking by me Thank you From the bottom of my heart...