Let’s be honest, summer movie season starts earlier every year much like Christmas shit is put up in stores in September. Now I think it is because there is some sort of secret society that is forcing Christmas, X-Mas, Holiday whatever to start earlier and earlier as a consumer plot to rid of us our money. Whatever, but Hollywood is taking a page out of their books and starting to release big budget flicks in May to start the foaming of the rabid fanboy mouth early. So I am here to give you the rundown what will be the good stuff you should come May, June, July and August. And by good stuff, I mean the shit I think is worth seeing, also some picks that you should avoid.
This first go around, is the May flicks. So prep your wallet for some movie watching.
What I want to see
The Avengers (May 4th)
This is what we have been waiting for. This is the movie that essentially undercut the performance of Iron Man 2, Captain America, and Thor so that they can shoehorn in the fact that these movies all tie together for The Avengers. I made my opinion strong about how Marvel sacrificed the performance and story of the individual films so that they have a connection to the tent pole project, so hopefully this will be all for nothing. I trust in Whedon that he has made the best film he can and I will be there dutifully as a comic book fan on opening night.
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (May4th)
Call me a sensitive sap, but I personally look forward to watching some amazing British talent come together for a lighthearted film. I like the British sensibility of old age and some witty banter, so this will be an enjoyable movie to see to come down off the high that The Avengers will probably give. Also who the hell doesn’t love watching Bill Nighy in anything?
God Bless America (May 11th)
I am absolutely in love with this trailer and the premise that the film is going for. The meta commentary on American life is so scathing that this will surely push all the right buttons for outrage and discussion. Who the hell knew that Bobcat Goldthwait had it in him to come up with this sort of movie. Early buzz from film fests are giving this a good lead into the theatrical release, even though you can see on VOD. Personally, I want to see this in theaters.
Battleship (May 18th)
I don’t give a crap of Taylor Kitsch is in this movie. I ran out of fucks to give that Rhianna is in this movie. Marketers, why the hell are you pushing these two people into our faces for a movie about alien battleships doing battle with American naval battleships? Did people go see Transformers because Shia LaBeouf is a good actor? Fuck no, they went to see it for the same exact reason I went to see it. To watch shit blow up and drain 10 dollars from wallet for the most essential popcorn movie of the summer. So knock it off in trying to make me care that those two dolts are in this movie. If you want to have a face to attach to the marketing of Battleship, give me more Liam Neeson. Also quit with the dubstep movie trailers.
The Dictator (May 18th)
Sacha Baron Cohen might have worn out his welcome with his crazy antics from the Ali G days, but I like his brand of comedy and The Dictator had me chuckling, even with stupid pop culture jokes that slam the Kardashian (I don’t care if I spell their names right) family. I can do without the easy jokes on their expense, but I like the premise of the film.
Moonrise Kingdom (May 24th)
So Wes Anderson finally found a new film font to use for his latest film which delivers all the indie, sitar music one can handle. Sure, he does tread familiar ground, but he is an incredible director and writer. While The Darjeeling Limited didn’t have the same punch as his previous films did and The Fantastic Mr. Fox was good for my standards, I am excited to see this movie and the incredible cast of actors he has brought together for this film.
What I will pass on seeing
Dark Shadows (May 11th)
Let’s see, this is a Tim Burton film so I will go through the checklist that accompanies his film. Johnny Depp? Check. Danny Elfman turning in a familiar score? Check. His wife Helena Bonham Carter getting work? Check. Crazy gothic, fairytale look? Check. Material based on old fairytale or obscure, gothic inspired work? Check and Check. Well, I definitely don’t want to see this movie since it meets the checklist for basically every film he has done. I get that he has a certain style, but there is only so many times I can watch Johnny Depp play some weird eccentric that will inspire cosplayers to mimic him come conventions or Halloween.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting (May 18th)
Fuck. So they are taking the premise of Valentine’s Day and New Years Eve and applying it to things like child births. Pass.
Men In Black III (May 24th)
Was anybody really craving another installment of Men In Black? I didn’t think the second one was that good and it has been a decade since the last one. I think it has fallen from the zeitgeist of American minds.
Chernobyl Diaries (May 24th)
So let me get this straight, a group of over privileged white kids decide to take a tourism trip to the site of a major, environmental disaster and they all start being chased by monsters or something. Oh and it’s found footage as well? Pass pass pass pass pass. If I saw it, I am rooting for the deranged people of Chernobyl to off these dumb kids and end the movie.
There are other films coming out in limited release, but those will be hard pressed to find a home at the local art theater near me, so I will make do with the list above. Overall, more action than you can handle plus some surprising light comedy films that look great.
