Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the Sochi 2014 Olympics that are, quite simply expensive.
Somebody slid to glory on frozen water today. This appears to be happening a lot.
The Swedes beat GB in the Curling (marbles on ice for the uninitiated) – INVADE THEM!
A couple of sports to look out for.
1. Slippery Slip-on; The sport that requires you to slip slip-ons on pronto on ice! Tricky and exacting, requiring enormous ham and achilles strength. Dextrous use of the shoe horn is also required.
The world record stands at 27 pairs fitted and removed in a minute.
Esteban “The Man With Hooves Instead Of Feet” Cordobes from El Salavador is favorite to take gold. Watching him at race pace is like watching a magician at work, only this magician’s magic wand is the tortoise-shell shoe-horn with “Esteban” written on it. In Mother of Pearl.
Evangelists think he is the Devil because of his cloven hooves. Expect Canada’s Larry Bertrand to challenge. His mum holds a giant crucifix over him whenever he takes on Esteban.
2. Sado Masochists Biathlon – The prestigious winter sports event for the S&M fraternity.
10 competitors will be entered for this race (with a variety of implements) and Dominatrix Pain and her “Little Bleeder” will whip them into shape round the back passage on this brand spanking new track that cuts through the Taiga of frozen Siberia.
The mild weather has forced organisers to ban gimp masks.
Belgium’s Jean Luc-Squeak will take some beating (as he does most Thursday nights) in this race. Tony Belter from Australia will provide stiff opposition.
The losers will be tied together, castigated and publicly humiliated for several hours at bus stops around Sochi.
Enjoy The Games!