The New York Times reports that the Russian government has decided to put an end to Mayan doomsday talk. From the article:
‘[Russia's] minister of emergency situations said Friday that he had access to “methods of monitoring what is occurring on the planet Earth,” and that he could say with confidence that the world was not going to end in December. He acknowledged, however, that Russians were still vulnerable to “blizzards, ice storms, tornadoes, floods, trouble with transportation and food supply, breakdowns in heat, electricity and water supply.”‘
Other experts who agree with Russia’s Minister of Emergency Situations include:
- Russia’s chief sanitary doctor
- a top official of the Russian Orthodox Church, and
- a former disc jockey from Siberia who placed first in the T.V. show “Battle of the Psychics.”
Case closed!
3 Additional Experts We’d Like To See Confirm The World Won’t End In December
1. The Minister Of Non-Emergency-Super-Happy-Fun-Time Situations. Also, if that person can advise citizens how to have fun without transportation, electricity, or water in the middle of a winter tornado, they might appreciate that. Suggestion: it probably does not involve the board game Twister.
2. Actress January Jones. An obvious expert on January, and star of Mad Men, she is certainly qualified to sell us on the fact that December isn’t going to ruin the world or her 35th birthday party in January 2013.
3. The Winner Of Battle Of Physics. Psychics are nice, and all, with their incorrect playing card predictions, and paid chatlines, but we’d prefer if someone with a scientific background explains why the most exciting thing that’s going to happen on December 21 is the current first place New York Knicks are going to play the current first place Chicago Bulls, and the laws of gravity will continue to impact the outcome of the game.
