I have a temper.
I always have, and I’m admitting it to you freely and without predjudice.
When I was small, my temper was so bad that I would pull off my belt and run after my sisters and friends, buckle first, when they annoyed me, just to “punish” them. It’s probably a good thing that they could run faster than I could. Yes, I got into a lot of trouble for that, I also lost my belt privileges. It didn’t stop me from throwing my shoes and anything else within reach at them.
As I grew up, my temper never cooled, but I learned to control it and deal with it in a more mature fashion. My assaults went from physical to verbal, and scathingly verbal at times. To this day, I come up with some whoppers. I try to keep them in but some days, I just can’t.
Today is one of those days.
The only problem is that there’s no one here to say anything to. The person who has wronged me is nowhere near here. It leaves me frustrated I must say.
I’ve only been in this situation once before, where I have been so livid that I was scared to even see the person who has caused it. Luckily for them (and probably luckily for me), they lived in a different country and I had no reason to see them until months after. When I did see them I didn’t know what to say, and out of respect for my family and friends around me, I chose not to bring this up.
Today, something similar has happened. And I’m shaking I’m so angry. If that person were in front of me, woe be onto them. Instead I sit here trying to distract myself but am unable to.
Let me ask you something. Do you believe in an after life?
Do you believe that those who have passed before you stay with you to guide you?
Do you believe your actions in this life are accountable, not only to God, but to those who have gone before you who have worked their tails off to ensure you had a better life than they did?
I do. I believe that all my Grandparents, my great Grandparents, my Uncles and Aunts who have passed and any other ancestors I may not be thinking of at this time or even people who I have met and who have helped me along the way who have passed, are all with me on a daily basis.
I believe they are rooting for me to succeed, cheering me on from the bleachers, encouraging me to continue to improve my life, not only for my sake, but for the sake of those to come.
I believe that what I do affects them, they are happy for my successes and they weep when I fail alongside me. I believe they encourage me to get back up and face the world again and that without them I would be lost. I believe I owe each and every one of them. I owe them a good life. I am responsible to them to live my life in the best way possible, to continue what they strived to do when they were alive, to improve my life and to improve the life of my future children so that as a community, we could reach to a point where we can all nod and smile and, without hesitation, at the end of our days, tell God that we worked together to improve ourselves and our loved ones.
Unfortunately, not everyone believes the same…and this is where I think the world goes crazy. If you have no cheering squad, nothing to believe in and nothing to work towards….then what is there other than idleness? And idleness is the devil’s playground.
So, for today, I’m trying to calm my temper, one because it’s pointless to be so angry about something that has already happened and already been resolved, and also because although my ancestors and I are grieving today, we continue to work together to make a stronger, more faithful, more loving community that we can be proud of; with or without those who have crossed us.
