Preparation

I spoke to Atlanta again yesterday I wanted to ask her if I could postpone my trial period to the week after next As I need to be around next weekAs my Dad has some appointments in DublinShe said that was no problem So I start my trial period on the 17thAnd then I start the course proper on the 24thI told Atlanta to go ahead and do her paper work Now I just need to go and sort out my payment And then I will be official!Exciting no?I know that some of you have expressed concern that this course might be too much And I totally get that I'm concerned too It's going to be a long weekWith long days I figured out that I could get a bus in to town at 7 50amThat gets there at about 8 40amSo that would leave me time to get a cuppa before I start at 9 15amThen I finish at 4 15pmAnd can get a bus home at 4 30pmDriving is really a no go As I'm still waiting to do my test And parking will also pose a problemBusing it will make the day a bit longer But I guess I can sleep for the journey I also need to sort out my meds As you know Monday is usually doctor day So that will have to change Friday is only a half day on the course So I will chAnge my appointment to Friday afternoons Which is simple enough I also need to think about when I take my medsAnd will probably have to start taking them at night So I am alert during the dayBut that is easy enough to implement I've had to weigh up the pros and cons of doing this course The cons being the long days The fact I won't be able to attend horse therapy on a Wednesday Less time with my dogs Tiredness Lots of tiredness But there are many pros I will be doing something that I love I will be out and about Learning something new I will be horse riding twice a week I will be meeting new people who share my passion Lots to think about It's a huge leap for me And it's a risk But it's a risk I'm willing to take 
In other news I wrote a few posts ago About changing my diet Read: Not going on a diet But just making some adjustments I had been taking in so much salt That I was constantly bloated I was literally living off salt and vinegar crisps and roasted and salted peanuts And I really mean that I was eating precious little else Even as I ate themI could feel myself bloating And it's such a horrible feeling y clothes felt right I looked six months pregnant But I craved salt the way I used to crave heroinI tried many times to kick my salt habit Even throwing out all the Pringles and peanuts in the house But my cravings were so strong I kept giving in to temptationThe final straw came Last Thursday When I wore a jacket in to town And I could almost feel my body swallowing and eating the jacket It was so tight I felt so uncomfortable So I knew I had to do something Not lose weight as such But to address the bloating And the uncomfortable feeling So on Thursday I had my last box of Pringles And my last bag of peanuts I was super determined to kick this habit And eat a healthier and more varied diet Yesterday was my first dayAnd I was literally hanging for a hit of salt I came so close to going to the shop for crisps Every time I got a craving I had something else to eat I mean obviously I can't eliminate salt completely But I can reduce my intake Within hours of kicking my salt habit I could feel the bloating disapate And my tummy looked less pregnant like At some points it was touch and go But I managed not to fold And today is my second day relatively salt free But most definitely crisp and peanut freeI'm also trying to have proper meals To keep my blood sugar stable As far as my ED goes It's a whole lot better Not perfect But it's about progress not perfection I still purge from time to time That is proving incredibly hard to eradicate But Jesus H Christ It is miles better than it was I think back to a couple of years ago I was out of control I spent my days bingeing and purging Stealing food from shops I had a path work from my kitchen yo my bathroom It was crazy But I couldn't stopI couldn't stopI wanted to But I didn't know howI was killing myself slowly It was a nightmare Which makes me so grateful for the recovery that I have found I am so much better then I was And the last nine months Things have just got better and better I am now living my life My way And even more than that I am enjoying it so much I used to wake up in the morning And dread the day ahead Knowing that I would spent my day with my head in the toilet bowl Was soul destroying Then there was the daily ritual of weighing myself And that number dictated my self worth My confidence My mood for the whole damn dayI know now that scales serve no purpose for me Like an alcoholic in recovery needs to stay away from alcoholI need to stay away from the scales Or any measuring device that measures my self worth in numbers At least I've learned that much So I'm hoping that in the coming weeks My body will settle down That the bloating will correct itself And that I will feel better in my own skin I also know that if I start this course I'm going to need to keep my strength upAnd that means eating breakfast and lunch and dinner No living off chocolate for bursts of energy I know that ther course will be tough at first As I get used to the new routine I guess I'm going to have to get up at about 7amBut I got up at that time for work And I'm an early riser anyway So I should be okI'm just so excited to start though I have just over a week to gather my strength And get my head in the zoneThen it's the beginning of the rest of my life...