Celeb Magazine

Possible Glenn Beck Replacements: I’m Votin’ for A

Posted on the 08 April 2011 by Beckawall @beckawall

As you’ve heard by now, yesterday Glenn Beck released a joint statement with Fox News yesterday that he would be leaving his 5 PM slot on Fox News (Check out the 50 worst things he’s said and the full story of his departure). It’s often hard to follow his crazy conspiracy theories, and I thought I’d compile a list of people who make more sense in terms of their outlook on the world for Fox News to choose from. Fox, I expect a thank-you in the mail in the form of a gift certificate to TGI Friday’s.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

  1. Gary Busey – Come on. It’s almost so obvious I can’t believe I have to explain it. Busey is totally bonkers, has a history of saying crazy things, and loves Jesus (he once told Wendy the Snapple lady that they couldn’t use the generic “God” in a prayer on Celebrity Fit Club). Perfect.
  2. Paula Abdul – Gotta love the incoherent speeches. Although she might be too nice. I can’t picture her leading a campaign against someone like Beck has against Van Jones or Francis Fox Piven … unless that someone is Simon Cowell.
  3. Lindsay Lohan – I’m not sure what her political leanings are, but it’s got to be at the very least a fruitful show for conspiracy theories about how they’re actually pulling over skinny white girls for DUI testing.
  4. Paris Hilton – that’s hot. Plus, she’s part of the wealthy elite, so chances are she doesn’t want Obama raising her taxes either.
  5. A from ABC Family’s Pretty Little Liars – this is my vote. I mean, come on – A is the origin of a number of conspiracy theories in and of his/her self. Did A kill Alison, or is s/he just a sneaky teen out to get revenge on the girls?
  6. Snooki – GTL: Guns, Totalitarianism, Liberty. I just started her first conspiracy theory.
  7. Muammar Gaddafi – with his co-host being his voluptuous virgin sidekicks.
  8. Kim Jong Il (PS: Kim Jong Il looking at things. You are welcome). – He loves movies just as much as Beck does. I’m sure his outlook on life contains alot of movie references as well!
  9. Lots-O’Huggin’-Bear – He believes in social order and hierarchy, and that every toy has its place and is afraid of change at Sunnyside Day Care. Breeding  ground for thousands of conspiracy theories involving the sandbox alone. Probably involving Big Baby as well…
  10. Chuck Norris:  A known ultra-conservative. Plus, Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in conspiracy theories. Conspiracy theories believe in Chuck Norris.

You know what’s sad? Looking at this list, I could kind of see how Fox would hire a couple of these people…

(PS: I just noticed that Huffington Post Comedy did something similar. That’s what I get for not visiting their site until I finished all the items on my t0-do list.. But check it out, it’s hilarious.)

You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • I'm Ben Warheit


    Ben Warheit's cartoons, drawn on Post-Its, are surreal, whimsical, and above all else, very funny. Ben Warheit is a writer, actor, and artist based in New York... Read more

    By  Gerard
  • I'm A Team 4all Player!

    Team 4all Player!

    Not too long ago, I posted about my plans to get fit while having fun with my family in 2011: The Plan for 2011 - Gain Super Athlete Powers! Read more

    By  Kselz
  • I'm Still Alive!

    Still Alive!

    Sorry I haven't written a while guys. Life's been crazy. Nutcracker has just finished and I started drivers ed the day after the first show. Gah! Busy busy... Read more

    By  Ballerinablogger
  • I'm Just a Jerk

    Just Jerk

    No, I'm not just quoting Steve Martin because he's funny. I forgot my mother's birthday. Saying that I feel awful, does not even begin to express how I feel.... Read more

    By  Alysonisneat
  • I'm Not a Feminist. Do You Believe in Discrimination Against Women? No. Then...

    I'm torn when it comes to Feminism. I am a modern woman, I believe in freedom of expression- the right to proudly display our beautiful womanly bodies as we... Read more

    By  Humanwriter
  • Rule #16 – The Beck/Olbermann Principle

    Rule Beck/Olbermann Principle

    The Beck/Olbermann Principle is pretty simple – By invoking the name(s) of any of the following political figures, you automatically lose your argument: Mr. Read more

    By  Don Mega
  • My "I'm Not Leaving" Day

    "I'm Leaving"

    I knew I was in the right place when Vincent's eyes pinned me down. After exiting the Musée d'Orsay Metro stop, the eyes that stare at me every night over dinne... Read more

    By  Thecleverpup