Humor Magazine

Nipples: Well, Where Am I Supposed to Put Them?

By Moose & Michelle @LonelyTribalist
Nipples: Well, Where Am I Supposed to Put Them?

Fellow Lady-identifiers (and those curious about breasts)!

Nipples - what the hell are we supposed to do with them?

I hate wearing bras. As someone with a more pudge-inclined figure, bras feel restricting, are itchy, and they chafe in uncomfortable places. And ever since I deleted bras from my clothing routine a few years ago, I've never felt more titillatingly liberated.

Except for one thing: my damn nipples.

As a college student on a largely liberal university campus in a fairly body positive city, walking from class to class with my breasts freestyle bouncing and nipples out is actually not too big an issue. However, there are still days where I feel self-conscious and discreetly try to pull my cardigan over my areola region, but thankfully, those days are numbering fewer and fewer.

However, there are settings in which I feel my unrestricted boobs aren't quite so welcome and I'm trying to learn how to deal with this.

As some of you know, I recently got a job working retail in a bookstore. And working at a corporate store where everything's gotta be pretty-fucking-prim and proper, my pendulous ta-tas aren't exactly welcome.

Nipples: Well, Where Am I Supposed to Put Them?

Have you experienced this?

How do you deal with this? So far, I've been pretty strategic in wearing thicker clothes that are a bit better at hiding protruding nips. And of course, cardigans and similar over-clothes are lifesavers. But summer is coming. The weather is getting warmer and I won't be able to stand wearing sweaters and cardigans for much longer.

So this is my rant: What the fuck, society? Why do my nipples have to be so offensive to you?

I kid you not, there was a man with a portly belly in the store the other day. He was wearing a sheer white t-shirt and you could see everything north of the border. You could even see the stringy 'possum chest hair roadkill underneath that tight shirt. And if that doesn't warrant complaint or public outcry, my two teeny nipples shouldn't either.

Light at the end of the tunnel: I feel like this will radically change in my lifetime. I feel like it already has. With more awareness around rape culture, around slut shaming and insidious forms of sexism, female nipples are slowly and surely being brought to light for what they are:

Just. Fucking. Nipples.

Nipples: Well, Where Am I Supposed to Put Them?
#SorryNotSorry For learning to love my and all women's bodies.
Pipe in with your thoughts. Nipples - yay or nay? How do you deal with your pointy nipples? Nipples, nipples, nipples, nipples, nipples!
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