Humor Magazine

Nigerian Bank Scam 2.0 – Part Two

By Lostnchina @SueZ444

Like the bastard third cousin of Justin Bieber’s hairdresser, I’ve been shunned by the Nigerian Bank Scammer community.  I’d been hoping to bring you the brilliant conclusion to my Nigerian Bank Scam 2.0 – Part One, but after several email exchanges with Setsuo Yeboah about his USD15 million, and sending Glenn Bitts/Micbenny/Benneth Crist our spec sheet for cutting-edge made-in-China headwear in response to his request to “do business”, this is what I’ve received in return, time and time again:

Hi. This is the qmail-send program at roproxy2-pub.unifiedlayer.com.

I’m afraid I wasn’t able to deliver your message to the following addresses.

This is a permanent error; I’ve given up. Sorry it didn’t work out.

 <service@post.com>:

74.208.5.4 does not like recipient.

 — Enclosed are the original headers of the message.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my IP has been blocked by Nigerian bank scammers.  No scammer has sent me an email for two weeks.
(ie. They do not like me.)

And here’s why:

Hello ,

We are interested in buying your products in large quantities for a huge government contract supply.

We are a marketing/trading company based in Austria that buys products in bulk. We have gone through your website and we are actually highly in need of these products for huge contract supply. What are your payment terms? Please advise.

Please feel free for any further queries in future.  We’ll be happy to reply.

We do assure for the best business relationship.

Regards,

Glenn Blitts,

Head, Sales Dept,

Walmart South Industries,

4605 S State Street ,

Vienna, IL 60609-4699, Austria

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From: lostnchina
To: walmartsouthindustries <walmartsouthindustries@outlook.com>

Dear Glenn Beck,

Is Vienna, Illinois, Austria anywhere near Paris, Texas, France?

Vive la 10-gallon chapeau de Texas cowboy, y’all!

Kinky Ho (you can call me Kinky!)
Skype: K-HO-69

PS: Our quotation for HATS is attached!  It is our hottest selling item!

hats

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From: Joha Kamara [mailto:john_kamara38@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, August 02, 2013 2:58 PM
To: undisclosed recipients:
Subject: From Captain James Moten

 From Captain James Moten
Attn,
I am Captain James Moten with the United states marines in Iraq on war against terrorism.

While the war was going on here in Iraq,It happened that a substantial amount of cash was recovered from one of our raids on terrorist hide out,I have in my possession the sum of USD$ 5 .2 million and I want to invest this funds,

This is the main reason why I have contacted you to assist me in this transaction after which I am willing to settle you with 30% of the total sum.You will advice me on the business to invest in since I am not business oriented. I want to move this money to your destination for you to safe keep it for me until am out of Iraq,so I need someone I could trust.If you accept then we can proceed.
I am American and an intelligence officer,so I have a 100% authentic means of transferring the money through a red cross diplomat. I just need your acceptance and all is done. If you are interested in this transaction I will give to you the complete details you need for us to carry out this transaction successfully.

I believe I can trust you. Presently we can only communicate through our military communication facilities which are secured so nobody can monitor our emails,I will only reach you through email, because our calls might be monitored, I just have to be sure whom I am dealing with.
I wait for your response so we can proceed immediately because In less than 5 days the money should be in your safe custody.
Please do reply me.

Regards
Capt.James Moten

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Dear Captain James Moten:

It is with great surprise that we received your letter regarding 5.2USD Million recovered from a terrorist raid in Iraq.  But we figured it would be a matter of time before some embittered or disillusioned employee of the US Government would screw them over by leaking military secrets or revealing NSA’s covert activities.  Do you know Snowden or Manning, by the way? 

Anyway, before we can accept your offer, we must verify some things –

   How do we know you are not terrorist or who you are?  How do we know you are not terrorist trying to save money in our bank account?

   As our country watches our bank account closely to suddenly have 5.2USD Million will generate a lot of problems for us.  In fact, it may make our government freeze all the money in the bank account and this will cause problems for you, too.  How will you recommend the money be sent to us?

   Are you related to Captain James T. Kirk, Captain Kangaroo, or Cap’n Crunch?  You have such similar names.

Live long and prosper,

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From: Joha Kamara [mailto:john_kamara38@yahoo.com]
To: lostnchina
Subject: From Captain James Moten

Thank you so much for at least responding to this proposal. It will be nice doing business with you.

I am happy with the content of your mail as it portray the kind of person that you are. If it were to be that greedy type, they will immediately jump at the opportunity even without asking any question.

Yes I am aware of Snowden or Manning cases. Snowden just had a temporal assylum with the Russian government whole Manning is still in London on Assylum.

First and foremost, I am not a terrorist as my ID CARD, PASSPORT and PHOTO as attached speaks for itself. The ruth of the matter is that after the raiding, most senior officers made away with almost of the monies. I could not stand it and decided to corner these without the knowledge of any person. The issue concerning the money is case closed because senior officers benefited more. Please I beg you in the name of God to make this transaction classfied. I want us to communicate via email only for the complete secrecy of this transaction.

CAPTAIN JAMES MOTEN ID

(I didn’t doctor in the name)

James Moten, aka. Maynulet, during heavier and less myopic times

James Moten, aka. Maynulet, during heavier and less myopic times

On how the money would get to you should not be your worries. I will employ all neccessary means to get the money to you without any problem. I am a security expert as you should trust my judgement on how I am going to handle it.

I am not related to Captain James T. Kirk, Captain Kangaroo, Captain Crunch. It happen that we have almost similar name.

Be rest assured that in a couple of days, we will conclude this matter.

I wait your response.

Capt James Moten.

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You know, Captain Kirk/Kangaroo/Crunch/Moten/Maynulet – I can understand your pain and frustration at having to solicit people online via email one by one; your method is just too time consuming and ineffective.  If you’ve got all that cash, you’ve got a great future ahead of you – all you need is the right profile and pictures to hook that special lady online…without even doing anything!

So I’ve put up a profile for you on OK Cupid – Nigerian BS is your profile name.  I’ve signed your email up for the latest match updates, quizzes, events in your area and messages from adoring females.  You’ll be thanking me when the emails from all the single luscious ladies start pouring in!

May the force be with you!

Clicking on the profile will enlarge it.

Nigerian BS

Nigerian BS1
Nigerian BS2

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