Never Say Never!By Douggosling
Deciding to stop treating a terminal disease is not an easy decision to make but I felt good about making it. There is no cure for my cancer and I have a history of significant side effects from any of the meds I could take. My quality of life was already compromised due to the pain of my bone metastases and the tremendous fatigue I was experiencing from my pain meds and the cancer itself. I didn't want to continue taking treatments that further compromised my quality of life with no potential for cure. Give me something with any reasonable chance of a cure and I'll be all over it but, otherwise, I wanted to focus on enjoying the time I had left.
I have been doing that, with the belief that I would be "okay" until perhaps the last few months of my life. But as I have always known, the cancer journey is full of twists and turns and it ain't over 'till it's over. There was always the chance that something could happen to compromise my quality of life before those last few months. Well, that has happened to me and I am compelled to do what I can to try to meet my main objectives: to maintain my quality of life; to be able to do things to enjoy life; to be able to walk my daughter down the aisle next year.
My cancer has continued to metastasize/spread to my bones. Thankfully, it has not yet spread to any of my organs, but my lower back (specifically, my sacrum) is becoming significantly involved. And I am terrified of the increasing possibility of it breaking (what is called a "pathological fracture"). Depending on where and how it breaks and what nerves are damaged, I could be severely crippled or worse. I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen.
So I find myself once more exploring various treatments including radiation, surgery, drugs, or combinations thereof. I hate it. I hate the decisions I will have to make. I hate the side effects that I will have to suffer through. I hate the limitations it will place on what I can do. I hate the added stress of wondering and hoping and the disappointments that may come.
But I hate more the idea of spending a good portion of my remaining time on my back or the idea of not walking down that aisle. It is not about survival. There is no cure. It's about quality of life. Something that I thought I had wrapped around me to keep me going until......
I've always known that there is nothing simple about life and certainly not about dying. But I still have hope. Hope that it will not be as bad as it could be. Hope that I can continue to find joy in each and every day. There is always hope.
I will continue to write about all the things I planned to write about, perhaps with some new perspectives and new insights. I will definitely have a lot to say. Wish me luck and continue to read.
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words.
P.S. If you follow my posts via email, make sure you click through to dyingdigitally.com for Personal Updates and other news.
These articles might interest you :
The weird part is that I’ve never been more perfect or beautiful than I am now, says everybody.So what’s the problem? If they keep telling me I am slim,... Read moreThe 03 December 2013 by Gray Eyed Athena
Today Vonnie asked a question: Do you speak more than one language? How did you learn the additional languages? As I pondered my utter failure to learn any othe... Read moreThe 25 November 2013 by Ellenarnison
DIARIES, SELF EXPRESSION
So, this week I'm going a little out of my knowledge area to talk a bit about Method Acting.By Method Acting I'm referring specifically to acting that takes on... Read moreThe 02 December 2013 by Adam Stadius
SCHOOLING, SELF EXPRESSION
Sleeping Beauty’s Maleficent- Being bad never looked so good, is MAC Cosmetics way to introduce you to the new upcoming movie for 2014, and if you watch the... Read moreThe 25 November 2013 by A Beauty Feature
FASHION, HAIR & BEAUTY, LIFESTYLE
I know I know, I am easily wowed by any IPA variant that is balanced and full of piney resin goodness. Not to rehash how local (or at least local enough –... Read moreThe 04 December 2013 by Bolanrox
DRINK, FOOD & DRINK
What’s it all about?:It was supposed to be the start of a big night out. But when Emily Kane arrives at her sister Carrie’s house, she finds the front door... Read moreThe 20 November 2013 by Bibliobeth
Tired of looking for that perfect gift this Christmas season? Do you feel the hassle rummaging through packs of items in a crowded shopping mall? Read moreThe 04 December 2013 by Ginetedw
FASHION, HAIR & BEAUTY, LIFESTYLE
MOST POPULAR FROM COMMUNITY
- Live and Learn by Rubytuesday
- Celebrating the Americans with Disabilities Act by Curbing the Heroes by Emily
- Link love (Powered by almond croissants and money talk) by Eemusings
- things you shouldn’t say by Survivingana
Rick Perry Halloween European Union X-Factor World Cup 2014 Nuclear Energy Harry Potter Mali The Papacy Economy China Samsung Michelle Rodriguez Father's Day Apps Lady Gaga Russia Turkey Lance Armstrong DSK Kony The Olympics Christmas Egypt Barack Obama Thanksgiving Apple True Blood Climate Change North Korea
ON THE COMMUNITY FORUM
- Balance Food and Activity Reviewed by Lurlene