Diaries Magazine

Marriage Mondays-What to Look for in Couple Friends?

By Shawndrarussell
She said: Ahh, the elusive couple friends. Gary and I have talked about this a lot, especially on our drive home last night after a fun-filled  four day wedding event. We met the bride and groom completely randomly at a bar about a year ago. They were on vacation in Savannah from Miami, and we just knew that they were great people and decided to take a chance and stay in touch with them. A year later, they are some of our dearest friends and because of their friendship, have met some other great couples too. Meeting all these great people that we have clicked with really opened my eyes to how rare it is to meet couples that you just click with at every level. This means that the girls have to get along, the guys have to get along, and the opposite genders of each couple must like the other spouse too. In the best cases, the girls can have girls nights solo as well as the guys having a boys' night.
Another important part besides just liking each other is that the potential couple friends must have a strong marriage. If you are around a couple who fight a lot or just kind of nag and pick at each other, you wind up doing the same thing to your spouse because the energy is negative and toxic. I am not saying the marriage has to be perfect (no such thing!), and they can't have little spats, but if it's a pattern of bickering, it will be impossible to stay couple friends with them. If they are sweet, kind, affectionate towards each other, and truly like each other's company, they will continue to inspire you to behave the same way with your spouse and vice versa. It creates a cycle of loving behavior that makes for a fun, relaxed, and pleasant environment.
Obviously just like with any friends, you have to have common interests that you can share and hobbies/activities that you all like to do together. Even if they are super nice people, if you don't have that much to talk about or like doing the same things, there is no way to force a couple friendship to work. This ties into finding quality people to spend your time with that are "kindred spirits"--and for us, kindred spirits have to be people that try to get the most out of life, have good hearts, are adventurous, and want to have fun every single day. Life is too short to waste it hanging out with couples that you don't really click with just because you think it's too hard to find quality couple friends. Just because you were friends with someone in high school, college, or through work doesn't mean that they can transition into being couple friends no matter how badly you want it to work. You have to be open to talking to new people and doing activities you enjoy doing together as a married couple where you just might meet a great couple randomly like we did.
He said:  For most guys, couple friends are not exactly a top priority.  Perhaps it is because of all the negative stereotypes that are associated with the concept, which usually portray the wife forcing the issue with people that they really have nothing in common with that ultimately concludes after several hours of awkward small talk and no real substinance.  Yet, with more and more people moving away from home,  whether for college, a job, etc., there seems to be an ever increasing need for couples to create a suido-family environment with other couples.  It helps generate a level of comfort and/or familiarity in a new environment.  However, it is not exactly an easy process.  It's comparable to dating but somehow more complicated.  Dating/being married can be complicated enough, at times; but trying to find two other likeminded people, where all four parties get along, is a whole other ballgame. 
Finding the right couple friends really starts at home.  You have to be comfortable and stable in your relationship with you spouse or significant other to be able to identify what makes you truly happy, and then look for those qualities in others.  Over the years, Shawndra and I have become increasingly aware of our mutual passions and qualities that have been solidifying our marriage. We love epic questions and deep conversations; we have a growing desire to travel and explore new places; we choose life experiences over material items. I could go on, but you get the point.  When you can see what is truly at the core of your relationship that makes it thrive, it becomes increasingly easier to find those same qualities in others.  This may sound cold-hearted, but life is too short to allow anyone to bring you down.  At the end of the day, people need to feel loved and appreciated. That should be the goal in every marriage.  And if you can find that kind of compassion with another couple, then you have just improved your quality of life.  And there is no such thing as too much love in a relationship.

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COMMENTS ( 3 )

By BeaMak
posted on 09 May at 19:41
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My husband and I have been looking for a way to meet people we both like since we moved. We tried meeting people through friends, through work or our kid's school with little luck. Every time I developed a friendship with the woman, my husband would find the guy either boring or obnoxious, and vice versa. We took the advice from the last post and joined kupple.com just last week. Since then we have been talking to three different couples and have plans for dinner and a movie with one couple next weekend. It's been nice getting to know them online before we go out for another boring dinner. Thanks for the advice, I'm glad we checked out kupple.com.

By BeaMak
posted on 09 May at 19:38
Report spam/abuse

My husband and I have been looking for a way to meet people we both like since we moved. We tried meeting people through friends, through work or our kid's school with little luck. Every time I developed a friendship with the woman, my husband would find the guy either boring or obnoxious, and vice versa. We took the advice from the last post and joined kupple.com just last week. Since then we have been talking to three different couples and have plans for dinner and a movie with one couple next weekend. It's been nice getting to know them online before we go out for another boring dinner. Thanks for the advice, I'm glad we checked out kupple.com.

By jg0279
posted on 03 May at 18:18
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My boyfriend and I enjoy spending time with other couples too. After we moved to Los Angeles from Chicago we were looking for new ways we could meet friends. One place we found was Kupple.com. Kupple is sort of like Facebook for couples to meet other couple-friends. We weren't sure about it at first, but ended up meeting two couples that we really got along with.