Diaries Magazine

It Starts with Us.

By Samantha Curtis @hooahandhiccups
It starts with us.
I saw a post the other day about stay-at-home-mom's complaining and how we're not allowed to. And yes, no one wants to hear someone complain 24/7 and if you're that unhappy, change it right? Wrong. Well, right. Well ultimately, it depends on the situation. 
Sometimes SAHMs don't want to be SAHMs. Maybe they're a military family and they are having a hard time finding a job. Maybe they can't afford childcare and their only option is to stay at home with the kids. Maybe they're terminally ill and they want to spend their time at home. The point is, we never know someone's situation... so why are we judging? 
I see judging left and right happening in the mom world. Like literally, every single day. And I will admit, I once judged a woman on something she said to her child and when I talked with other people about it, I realized I had no right to make any assumptions without knowing the back story. So yes, were human and we're going to make mistakes. But I learned from that mistake and I've always thought twice before thinking something negative and making judgments on other moms. 
My child had a full on meltdown the other day at the doctors office. I was exhausted and didn't have a single grain of energy left in my body to deal with it. It was nap time and his sister had a doctors appointment and the only thing I could do was sit there and let him finish his tantrum. I mean, I couldn't leave (trust me, I wanted to). 
Death stares. Evil looks. Yep, I looked like a terrible mother. But did they know my husband was deployed? Did they know I haven't slept through the night since he left? (Well actually in 4 years...) Did they know it's just me; 24/7? Nope. All they saw was a mom on her phone, letting her child scream and flail around like a crazy person. Little did they know I was messaging my husband on my phone, my deployed husband, (who I hadn't talked to all day) and trying to fight the tears forming in my eyes. 
It's exhausting being the bad guy all day. Timeouts are no fun for anyone and if we're being honest, my go-to is raising my voice when he doesn't listen. I couldn't do it anymore that day and my solution was to just ignore it. I knew he was tired and I knew he just wanted nothing to do with being there. And instead of fighting it, that's what I chose to do. 
I used to see kids walk onto airplanes and cringe. I used to whisper "my kid won't act like that" when I heard someone else's child screaming for a Twix bar in the grocery store. But all kids are different. And all parents are different. And everyone's situation is different. This doesn't go for just parenting... it goes for life. I've tried really hard to stop myself before I think or say anything negative. I think we've all gossiped or judged at some point but all it really does is create problems. And whether or not you ever vocalize it, why even think it? 
It's easier said than done; as humans, we're quick to judge or think things based on what we see. But that whole "never judge a book by it's cover" thing? Yea, it's real. And we need to start remembering that in our day-to-day. We should be lifting each other up, not tearing each other down. 
I've tried to worry more about myself and less about other people. Who cares that they let their kids stay up till midnight? Who cares they eat gluten-free? Who cares they spank or don't spank? WHO CARES. We all have the right to parent however we want. We all have the right to complain about whatever we want. We all have the right to do whatever we want. 
It starts with us.
Less judging, more kindness. More positive, less negative. If we want the world to become a better place, we need to take responsibility for it ourselves. 
It starts in our hearts, our minds, and our actions. It starts with us
So did that particular author have the right to tell SAHMs who complain to SHUT THE EFF UP? I don't know. Because just because she's a stay-at-home-mom who chooses to stay home and enjoys it, it may not be the case for everyone. I love staying home with my kids and I never take a single day of that for granted. But if I want to complain about it, it's my right to do so. Motherhood isn't always glamorous or easy and whether a mother works outside the home, from the home, or strictly takes care of the kids and house, we all have one thing in common. We're WOMEN. Who deserve to be treated with respect and support from one another. Not scolded for having a bad day and wanting someone to lean on for support. 
If we can't rely on each other, who can we rely on? 
It starts with us.
 

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