My cat weighs 15 lbs. Those are 15 very not ugly lbs.
So recently I started working out, and I’ve actually been enjoying it! I’ve started to incorporate cardio into my routine, and I find pleasure in the feeling of elevating my heart rate and moving my body. I thought I’d look around at local kickboxing classes, because I used to practice martial arts and really enjoyed it, but actual sparring and grappling are a bad idea because I only have one kidney.
So I found a kickboxing class that was close, reasonably priced, and compatible with my schedule, but the following advertising copy stopped me dead in my tracks:
Make All Your Friends Jealous When Our Amazing Kickboxing Program Helps You Lose 15lbs. of Ugly Fat in Just 2 Weeks!
Notwithstanding the questionable use of title case here, are they really trying to invite me to hang out with them by calling me ugly?
And why would I want to make my friends jealous? They’re my friends; I want them to feel happy feelings. And you clearly don’t know my friends, because if I lost 15 lbs, most of them wouldn’t be jealous. For one, I’m way more than 15 lbs heavier than a lot of my friends; I’m a stocky lady. Secondly, my friends all have very nice bodies (of many different sizes!) and many of them don’t want those bodies to change, even if they have — gasp! — fat on them.
First of all, ugly fat? I mean, props for your honesty. Companies like Dove keep trying to tell me I’m beautiful just the way I am while selling me products aimed to change the way I look — you’re straightforward here. I’m not fine the way I am; I’m at least fifteen pounds too heavy. Never mind you don’t know what I look like. Apparently skinny chicks never do kickboxing. Who knew?
But seriously, fifteen pounds in only two weeks! That’s incredible! That’s the kind of weight loss you only see in people who get, like, mono! But guess what? I’ve already gotten mono, so no use trying to kiss me (plus, that privilege is reserved only for my fiance, thanks!).
I feel like companies are starting to get hip to the fact that it’s just not proper to blatantly fat-shame your potential clientele. Even Special K is telling women not to focus on the number on the scale (but to totally eat their weird cereal products to get skinny anyway, except they’re not actually telling you you need to get skinny, but you should probably eat their cereal… just in case…). Most of the ads I’ve seen for fitness classes have focused on health or fitness goals, not weight. “Get in shape!” “Feel great!” “Bench press a rhinoceros!”
But at least one company thinks it will get my money by calling me ugly.
I’ll stick to my yoga, thanks.
