Honesty is the Best Policy

I'm writing this post in response to LWho commented on my blog anonymously yesterday I'm dedicating a post to itAs it would be too long to respond in the comment sectionSo L I hope you see thisTo give you the gist of itL made the point that the reason I'm not doing the course should be because I have no interest in the courseAnd not because my disability will be cutL went on to ask if I was never going to workAnd she understands that life can be cosy on benefitsBut that was just existing And not living 
First of all I want thank you LFor having the courage to write what a lot of readers were probably thinkingI know you said that you didn't want to come across as harshAnd you didn't You came across as honest and concernedAnd I am grateful for that Correct me if I am wrong But I find that both in real lifeAnd here on bloggerHonesty somehow gets lostI know I am guilty of telling people what they want to hearJust to keep the peacePeople pleasing I guessIt's easy to say/write a hundred 'I love you's'It's much harder to be brutally honest
I acknowledge L that this comment must have been difficult to writeAnd I know I had to read the comment a few times to let it sink inTo answer your questionThe reason I am not doing the course is because I really don't have a lot of interest in business and computersYes it's true My disability would be cutBut that was not my primary reason Up until last weekI was 100% sure that I was going to do the courseBut then I read the course contentAnd none of it appealed to meAnd it's definitely not the area that I want to work inSo it really didn't make sense to go ahead and do a full time course for two years When my heart wasn't in itI didn't want to start the course Only to drop out by Christmas I think I am better off looking for something that really interests me
And to answer your question about workYes I absolutely do want to work I wanted to be independent And support myself I want my own placeI want to pay my wayPay taxes Contribute to the society that has helped me out greatly over the years I did in fact look for work this summerYou might remember that I inquired at my local dog kennel to see if they needed helpUnfortunately they couldn't take me onDue to insurance reasons I also asked at the pizzeria that I used to work atAnd they still haven't got back to me So I am actively lookingBut to recession hereThere are precious little jobs
NoI don't plan to be on disability for the rest of my life I've been on disability since my first hospital admission back in 2008Now a days It much more difficult to be put on long term disabilityAs there have been so many budget cutsSo if I am to come off disability I want to make sure it is the right timeAnd the right circumstancesAs if I am taken off itIt will be nigh on impossible to get back on it if I needed to
I guess what may come across as reluctance to workIs in fact a case of low confidenceAnd low self esteem I still have some of those core beliefs From when I was really illLike I am not good enoughNot smart enough Not capable enough And these thoughts get in my wayWhether I am looking to start a course or find work 
And yesI know I have it easy right nowI am luckier than a lot of people I live with my Mum and sister In a house with no mortgage or rent to payAll I have to do is contribute weekly to shopping and billsEverything else is taken care ofI pay my own bills in regard to my car and my phone But I know that if I was stuck I have two parentsAnd two older sisters and a brother who can bail me out
Then there is the dog shelter Where I have an appointment next Thursday I know it will be a voluntary positionBut I think it will do me the world of goodTo have a purpose A reason to get up in the morningAnd what better reason than to help dogs that are in need As you know Honey and Lea and my previous dog Leo came from this very shelter So it's really cool to be going back to volunteer there And who knows Maybe it will lead to more opportunities I am a firm believer in the thought that if you push yourself to go outside Wonderful things can happenYou just have to push yourself to get out thereOut in to the world Meet new people And you never know what might happen
To go back to the point of commenting and friendshipThe thing about our little corner of bloggerIs that a lot of us are illVulnerable In poor healthMentally and physicallyDelicate and fragileI know I've read posts written by bloggersAnd my first thought was not the thought I wrote I chose my second thought Which was much more politically correctBecause I don't want to hurt the personOr cause them any sort of painAs they are already going through hell without me adding to it 
In the last six months I have lost two very good friends here on blogger Some of you will remember The writer named AAnd also Loulou I say I lost them because I have no idea what happened to them Loulou and I had a disagreement Then she deleted her blog And emailed me that she didn't want to be friends anymoreI haven't heard from her sinceAnd A We also went through issuesThen all of a sudden She vanished from blogger And is not responding to my texts or emailsThe reason I mention these two girls Is that I valued their friendship so muchBecause they were always brutally honest with me I could always depend on them to tell me the truthEven if it did hurt both me and themI think only a real friend will do this I'm not saying that all the lovely comments people leave are not genuineI truly believe they they are But girls We can't afford to tiptoe around each other Many of us are living in life or death situations Many of us are on the edge Being honest with someone might be a huge favour you could do for them
So LI hope I have answered your questionsAnd given you the reasons for why I'm going down this pathAgainI thank you for your candour It was exactly what I needed to hear/readAnd I'm hoping that maybe more of us will take a risk And be honest with our friends and fellow bloggersGod knows we really can't waste time on platitudes 
With all that said I was wondering about youDo you think that honesty is the best policy?What is your take on telling others the truth?Are you Always honest with friends and fellow bloggers?What stops you saying/ writing what you really think?I'd love to know...