There is no way could I possibly have autism. Assburgers folks cannot read body language at all.
I am a supergenius at reading people and understanding body language, and I can even go beyond that – it seems like I can almost read minds. Not in a psychotic way you know, but I can get the feeling of whatever you are thinking about in their heads especially if it relates to me.
In other words, if you were thinking of a number between 1 and 1 million or if you were thinking about that vacation you took to Washington state in 1998 with your friend Bill and you met your brother and his friends and their girlfriends there and you all got stoned and am in lakes, of course I could not read your mind to tell you either the number of what you were thinking about when you thought about that trip.
But then there’s other stuff:
One time a few years back, I was trying to pick up this young girl who worked at the bank. She was ~20 years old. She was always staring at me in a blatantly obvious sexual way like I was on the menu for lunch. But then I would talk to her at the window, and she would put this shield up and be weird, so I could not figure it out. I asked my young female friends and they could not figure it out either.
“I don’t know. Women are so weird sometimes. I can’t even understand them myself half the time,” my 20 yr old college girl friend told me.
So one day I got bold and took a business card and wrote on the back, “Can I have your phone number, Maria?” Not only that, but I let others go ahead of me in line so I could specifically get her as a teller.
She saw me doing that and was like, “Huh WTF?”
We did our transaction, and then I was reaching into my wallet for the card to give her, and I was thinking, “Damn I want your number baby!”
I looked up at her as I grabbed the card, and she looked right at me, and I read her mind.
Her mind said, “Dude! Don’t you even ask me for phone number! I don’t want you at all! You’re too old!”
Well it seemed like she was saying that anyway. I could not actually hear her thoughts auditorily or see them visually, but instead that was just the message I got off her somehow that I cannot explain.
I got that message and I was like “Wow!”
I just put the card back and walked away. Then I went home and tore up the card.
Later I thought about it a lot and I finally figured out that she thinks I am attractive and she likes to fantasize about me sexually or at least feast on my looks, but she doesn’t actually want to go out with me for reals, probably due to age. You know, there’s fantasy, and then there’s stuff you really want to do. Since then, I have run into a number of young women who come off at me like that. They are just enjoying me for the eye candy but they have no interest in dating me at all.
I figure it out, and I am like, “Ah another one of those look don’t touch young chicks who likes to daydream. Moving right along now.”
That is probably one of the weirdest and hardest messages to read off a woman – that she likes to fantasize about fucking you, but she doesn’t actually want to do it.
There’s a whole vibe associated with that, but surely it goes over the head of 99% of guys.
