The Observer reports that a Point Edward, Ontario, Canada couple recently found a skeleton buried in their backyard from the late 1500s to early 1600s. Generally, finding a scary-looking skeleton in your backyard is bad news, especially in this case, where the skeleton was of a Native Canadian, which, as you know from horror movies = total haunting!
But there is worse news: in Ontario, if you find skeletons that old in your backyard, you have to pay money to archeologists by law, and in this case, the couple might have to pay $7,500.
Sounds like an awesome law, if by “awesome” you mean discouraging people from reporting archeological artifacts or bones of any age, being in their backyards.
3 More Disincentives A Government Could Impose To Discourage People From Reporting Bones In Their Backyards
1. Force the homeowners to watch every episode of Friends where Ross talks about paleontology in between whining about Rachel. Hey man, you live in NYC – shouldn’t you be whining about how unlikely it is to find dinosaur bones in midtown Manhattan, given there are already buildings everywhere!
2. When you phone the hotline to report bones, after being put on hold for one hour, the government employee answers by disguising their voice as one of the many killers in the Scream movies. Is it because they’re evil, or died while you were on hold for so many hours? This is important information, because it determines which government hotline you have to phone next: the police or paramedics.*
3. Passing a law in the year 1500 that all bones are the property of ghosts, and anyone who assists anyone in removing the bones shall be haunted for the next 600 years! You do not want to have to go to court to defendant yourself in this case, where the judges and lawyers are all creepy skeletons. Especially when your lawyer is the crappy fake Halloween door skeleton decoration currently hanging in your closet!
*Why didn’t you consider 9-1-1 – they cover medical and criminal emergencies?
