For the benefit of my foreign readers, John Prescott is a big, fat conglomeration of pig ignorance who, God help us all, was once Deputy Prime Minister of this, 'our septic Isle'! He is hugely fat and thick and should he ever require brain surgery they will have to offer the surgeon a finder's fee! He is an antediluvian socialist who, when he dies, will have his skeleton mounted in the National History Museum next to that dinosaur.
John Prescott - comedian Les Dawson - comedian
He began his working life as a steward on one of the posh Atlantic sea-liners which always induced Nicholas 'Fatty' Soames MP, grandson of Winston, to raise his hand and bellow, "Large gin and tonic, waiter!" every time he spotted Prescott across the floor of the House. Anyway, following the political demise of Tony Blair this bellowing bully, a typical product of his trade union beginnings, was laid off and side-lined by the rather effete Ed 'Milipede' whose delicate metro sensitivities could not cope with this sack of wind. But alas, 'our Jack' is not easily set aside. Thick though he be, even he could see that 'Milipede' was a gawping, gawking prat who had to wear slip-on shoes because he would have difficulty tying his laces. Under 'Milipede', the Labour party are heading for disaster and, right (or Left) on cue, 'our Jack' mouthed off long and loud.
After someone dried Ed's tears it was agreed that the situation must not develop into a fight. Once before, famously, 'our Jack' threw quite a decent left hook into someone in the crowd who had insulted him. If he did that to 'Milipede' it would knock his empty head off! So they decided, and I know this is a grim analogy, that it was better to have 'our Jack' pissing out of the tent rather than in to it. Thus it is today that Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition now has a new spokesman with specific responsibility for global warming. Well given that 'our Jack' has produced more hot air in his lifetime than the combined factory output of China and India, then he is well placed.
But, Ed, baby, a word of advice - don't let him out without at least three minders!
