A New HBO documentary explores this often taboo topic in
ONE LAST HUG: THREE DAYS AT GRIEF CAMP on April 14th
By Lauren Schneider
In the United States, about 4.8 million children under the age of 18 are grieving the death of a parent. Others have faced the death of friends, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Grieving children experience a range of emotions including sadness, anger, fear, loneliness and guilt. They often feel isolated from their non-bereaved peers and are reluctant to share their grief with surviving family members for fear of upsetting them.
On April 14th at 8pm, HBO is premiering ONE LAST HUG: THREE DAYS AT GRIEF CAMP which highlights the work of professional counselors and volunteers at Camp Erin, a three-day program that encourages grieving children ranging in age from 6 to 17 to share their feelings and memories of loved ones who have died with their peers. ONE LAST HUG addresses struggles children face when someone close dies and breaks down the barriers related to one of the world’s most taboo topics.
Children may experience severe emotional distress which some families are ill-equipped to address. With a dramatically altered family structure, the needs of children are often overlooked. For these children, unresolved grief can result in a chain of negative outcomes, such as difficulty concentrating and academic failure, criminal and anti-social behavior, and mental health problems, including anxiety, sleep deprivation, depression, alcoholism and even suicide. Compounding the problem is the fact that four out of five of these children will receive no mental health services.
At Camp Erin, the isolation that grieving children experience is relieved as they quickly connect with similarly bereaved peers. They recognize, as they share their thoughts and feelings, that others feel the same way. At camp, children also learn that they can have fun without feeling guilty. Outdoor and art activities are designed to build self-esteem and create new memories.
Campers participate in remembrance ceremonies that help them both honor their loved one and maintain the loving connection. Lastly, kids are taught coping strategies to utilize long after camp ends.
A simple fact of life is that grief will touch just about everyone at some point. The subject still remains taboo for many families, but it really doesn’t have to be the big elephant in the room. Whether it’s a child in your family or a friend of your child’s, it is important to know how to support that child in actions, language and emotions.
Here are a few suggested way to support the grieving children in your life:
- Be truthful about the cause of death – Children need to be told in age-appropriate increments because they will eventually find out the truth. Respond honestly to any questions they raise.
- Use plain direct language – Euphemisms can be confusing to children. Explain that when someone dies their body stops working and we’ll never see them alive again.
- Children look to you as a role model – Explain that your tears are because you miss the loved one too, but you are strong enough to support them and it is not their job to support you.
- Help them find ways to honor the person who died and hold onto their precious memories.
- Include children in mourning and ongoing rituals to help them maintain the bond they shared before the death.
- Teach them coping strategies – while each person will grieve in their own unique way, they can learn to comfort themselves in healthy ways.
- Children fear that you or someone else will die – Identify who will love and care for them if you aren’t able.
If you are interested in a Camp Erin near your city, please visit www.moyerfoundation.org.
About Lauren Schneider
Lauren Schneider, LCSW, is Clinical Director of Child and Adolescent Programs at OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center. A nationally recognized authority on children’s grief, Lauren has provided trainings for mental health clinicians, educators, clergy, health care providers and graduate students throughout the community since 2000. Lauren is the author of “Children Grieve Too: A Handbook for Parents of Grieving Children”. She also created “My Memory Book…for grieving children” as well as grief related curriculum for use at Camp Erin Los Angeles and in OUR HOUSE grief support groups. Lauren is the Associate Producer of “One Last Hug: Three Days at Grief Camp,” an HBO documentary about children’s grief. She trains and supervises OUR HOUSE group leaders as well as MSW and MFT clinicians and students. Lauren maintains a private practice in Los Angeles specializing in grief and loss.
