'Emancipated?'

I saw Mary yesterday
After weighing me she told me that I am 'emaciated'
I almost laughed
For 2 reasons
1. In my eyes I am a perfectly healthy weight, chubby even
2. My old counselor used to tell me that I was 'emancipated'
I think she was getting her words mixed up
Then I got a text from a friend who I had ran in to last week after not seeing her for a while
She said in the text that she got a fright when she saw me and I looked really ill
Why can't I see this?
What is wrong with me?
Do I see the world through fat tinted sun glasses?
My mother and I were chatting last night and she asked me the question 'Why are you so afraid that you're going to be fat?'
I had to think about this
None of my family are overweight
I've never been overweight
So why do I think if I eat normally I will be overweight
To be honest I think that I could easily be overweight
The other extreme of the same spectrum
I could easily be one of those 400lb people we see on tv
I'm a very all or nothing person
I either eat nothing or everything
So therefore I could either be really skinny or really overweight
Am I delusional?
Maybe I am
I just don't know anymore
I don't know what's real
I can't trust my own eyes
I can't trust my own judgement
I can't trust myself
I don't want to be like this
I've had enough of my ED ruling my head and life
I'm preparing myself for the fight of my life
Me V ED
Place your bets now
I know who my money is on......