“A healthy friendship requires three things from both people: positivity, vulnerability, and consistency,” says Shasta Nelson, founder of GirlFriendCircles, where she teaches monthly friendship classes for women.
Just this afternoon I was thinking, how I have become incapable to making new friends. Or rather making
meaningful new friendships. Most are matter-of-fact friendships formed because we found something/one thing in common. It rarely ever dives deep enough to mean something worthwhile. I am someone who strongly believes that young adulthood is the golden age for forming friendships. Those are the times, when we aren’t obligated to our friends in the way we are to our romantic partners, our jobs, and our families.As we enter middle age, we have more demands on our time, many of them more pressing than friendship. After all, it’s easier to put off catching up with a friend than it is to skip your kid’s play or an important business trip.
I live in U.S. and most of my close friends live in India or one in Dubai (Anita!). I’ve officially lived apart for all of them longer than I have lived “together.” And I will admit that it has not been easy to maintain a friendship long distance. Firstly, there is a huge time difference, secondly we are at different stages of our lives. There are no late night drives just because, no showing up at each other’s house because we are bored, and no more getting together for lunch or shopping. Sigh! Adulting it not at all fun, eh? So what does one do? Either give up and let the friendship fall through the cracks or make time for people who you want to keep in your life. Below is how I have tried to choose the later:
Staying connected - Technology is a curse and a blessing. While the idea of messaging and chatting with each other might give an illusion of having a real conversation, but nothing can replace the intimacy of actually talking and listening to each other. But we do try and stay connected through group chats and regular updates when it is not possible to jump on a call or visit each other. But we also try and do conference calls to hear each other's voices on special occasions.
Read books together - On of the fun activities we have frequently tried is to read the same book while living in different countries. Then our respective mornings we share and mention whatever we are thinking about the book with each other.
Plans trips (once a year) - This is one of those things which takes months of planning, since all our lives are running on different schedules and timelines. Few of us can't plan ahead of time, while others can only plan few months in advance. But these are just logistics where there is a will. By hook or by crook we try and make it happen and get real face-time at least once a year. Here are pictures from our girls' trip to London. Having said that, not all my friends have survived. Everyone has different priorities, different circumstances, and different needs. While it hurts to know you are not someone's priority, but you soon realize that many aren't your's either. And life goes on. So do long distance friendships work? Some do. And some don't. And both those outcomes are fine. Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to be in it forever. Only memories and lessons are forever.
Photography by Anita
Location: Tania's Teahouse, Dubai
Maxi | Shoes | Earrings | Sunglasses
