Tommy Tapper, “Bodger To The Stars” provides insights into DIY.
If it can be fixed he won’t be able to do it
His manual, “Don’t Forget To Turn The Gas Off “ is an acknowledged masterclass in the no-nonsense, no worries, no skill approach to DIY.
Here are some of his trade secrets for Shelves.
1. What is the primary purpose of a Shelf? For shy people to be left on.
2. Where are Shelves located? On walls. At the end of Continents.
3. What are they made of? Stiff things.
4. Normal Shelf problems? Wonkiness.
5. Things to consider before you fix a Shelf;
i) If you can’t fix it by hitting it with your hammer, you maybe facing a more sizeable problem.
ii) The journey time to your local Accident and Emergency unit.
iii) Have a spirit level handy to check for wonkiness. Never drink the liquid in a spirit level. It is not a spirit. If you do – see ii) above.
iv) Give silent praise to the inventor of the Rawlplug.
5. Little known facts about the Shelf
i) A photograph of a shelf is called a shelfie.
ii) Shelvery was an Olympic sport until 1928.
