Entertainment Magazine

Contrary to Popular Belief, I Was Not Put On This Earth To Make Dinner

By Steph's Scribe @stephverni
Contrary to Popular Belief, I Was Not Put On This Earth To Make Dinner

Giada and her cookware. I’m happy to allow her to do the cooking.

Hear me clearly: I am not a chef, a cook, or a baker. I don’t even pretend to want to be one.

So how is it I have the distinct honor of having to make dinner every night?

I don’t know about you, ladies, but I’ve had just about enough. If I had a white flag, you would see me raising it high above the hills of Ellicott City and waving it vigorously. I surrender.

Chefs like Giada DeLaurentiis, Anne Burrell, Ina Garten, and Rachael Ray have a job, and that’s to make cooking look fun, easy, and glamorous. What you don’t see behind the scenes are all the “little people” who make the cooking shows hum. Consider all the folks who shop for the ingredients and pre-cut everything (Wouldn’t cooking be so much more fun if you had a little elf who would magically slice and dice all your veggies, fruits, and other add-ons? Where’s Dobby the House Elf when you need him?); those who adjust the lighting (I can attest to the way lighting works; I was just recently photographed in my home office for a feature story that’s being written about my novel for a local magazine, and getting the lighting just right is uber important); and those who film the show, using the magic camera to get those close ups of the ingredients just right, making sure the colors on the screen reflect the vibrancy of the foods being prepared. And the list goes on.

Moreover, I’ve come right out and said that I hate grocery shopping. The tediousness of the task runs even deeper; not only do we have to PREPARE and COOK the FOOD EVERY NIGHT, but we also have to COME UP WITH THE BLOODY IDEAS FOR DINNER AS WELL.

When you marry and have children, commitment notes on your daily tasks should be presented with a “forever” stamp on them. If they were, the notes would begin with:

YOU WILL FOREVER HAVE TO BE CREATIVE WITH DINNER MENUS AND BE WILLING TO MAKE DINNER FOR EVERYONE EVERY NIGHT. THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS.

Had this promissory note been presented to me at the time of said aforementioned commitments, I’m not sure how I would have proceeded.

I just know I’m tired of coming up with ideas. And I’m even more tired of making meals come to fruition.

Help me. Help me see the beauty in it.

What do you do about this task?

There’s got to be a better way.


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