Appointment with Mary

Today was pretty busyI was asked to open the lunch time meeting todayWhich meant that I had to have the room open and readyProvide tea, coffee and snacksMind the moneyPut chairs outAnd read the preamble
I have to admitI was really nervous to do this And spent all day yesterday fretting about itWhich led to an epic binge/purge session That lasted all freakin' dayThis morning I was a bit calmerI had a job to doAnd I was determined to do it well
I arrived at the meeting venue at about12 45pmI arranged the chairs in a circlePut the kettle onAnd generally got the place readyIt felt good I felt like I was really part of thingsAnd that I could be trusted to do this jobAnother lady came thenAnd helped me One by one people trickled in to the roomAnd at about 1 05pmI started to open the meetingThere was a lot of reading to be doneAnd I was anxious about thatBut somehow o got through itWithout letting my anxiety get the better of meWhen that was done I was the first to shareAnd we went around the roomUntil everyone had shared
After we all said the serenity prayer at the endI breathed a sigh of reliefI did itI got throughIt felt great
Then this afternoon I had an appointment to see MaryI have seen her in about eight monthsSo I was really looking forward to seeing herI settled in the waiting roomAnd soon I saw her friendly face PPP around the doorI followed her to the roomAs soon as I walked in I saw the dreaded scales in the corner of the roomMy heart skipped a beatAnd I quickly looked away
We caught up for a few minutesI filled her in on what has happened since I saw herI told her that I am planning to do a course in SeptemberBut that I was very nervous about itMary told me a story about her going back to college in her forties and getting her degreeAnd now she is doing her mastersIt was really inspiring to hearShe never ceases to amaze me
Mary reminded me of the first time I ever met her three years agoShe said I was so numbSo hopeless So battered by my EDShe compared them to nowAnd said I have come a long wayShe sldo spoke about the ED conference that I spoke at two years agoShe said that people still tell her how my speech impacted themThat was so nice to hear
We decided that I would see Mary for eight sessionsAnd then reassess after thatIt's great to have the support for my EDAnd I feel like now is a critical time for meI'm on the verge of being in recovery And I want it so badly
So all in all it was a good dayI'm now going to sit down with a hot cup of tea And relax......