Photo by Helga Weber
Our morning routine often includes my teenage son knocking on the bathroom door and asking his tween sister, "When are you going to be done in there?" I start to roll my eyes while formulating a comment about how she's plowing too much time into self-care. But then I stop short. At 50, I am also spending a lot more time on my body. This is annoying, bordering on enraging.I can't believe all the time I spend striving for the energy and appearance I took for granted in my 20s and 30s. I find that now I have to
- plan my meals or I have waning energy from eating junk on the fly.
- shop for fresh produce three times a week to keep my digestion and energy levels up.
- wash, chop and cook said produce.
- eat fewer, smaller meals to manage my hypoglycemia
- drink more water to manage low blood sugar and improve digestion (and then seek out bathrooms more frequently).
- practice yoga two or three times a week or my joints quickly lose flexibility and ache.
- participate in 30 minutes a day of cardio in order to prevent feeling winded when taking the stairs.
- engage in a strength training regime three times a week to build endurance and prevent muscle loss.
- follow my physical therapists' charge to do core exercises three times daily to overcome an "old yoga injury" that throws out my lower back if I don't cohere to her prescribed daily exercises.
- spend more time on hair, make up and fashion so that I don't get treated like a bag lady.
- Verboten are any description of the time or tasks related to hair removal.
I suppose if I spent more than 4 hours a day on self-care, it's become a part time job. And I might be there now. What does this mean for my future? If I end up spending 8 hours a day on self-care, I'm either in the entertainment business or I'm a nursing home resident. And I'm no movie star, so I worry. How does my time use stack up against the norm?
A study by Horgas, Wilms and Baltes (1998) describes the use of time by about 500 older adults ranging in age from 70 to 105. One of my professors showed us this research in an effort to teach us empathy for those with aging bodies. It worked; we were shocked. The findings as presented on page 136 of Worral & Hickson's textbook (2003) show the amount of time on self-care is enormous. By subtracting 8 hours a day for sleep, the data displayed show that older adults spent an average of 8.5 hours a day on self-care: 2.5 hours on personal care, 3.0 hours on instrumental activities of daily living (errands, bill paying and such), and 3.0 hours a day resting between tasks.
(Note: In my own list above, I didn't even looking at time spent on errands, childcare and cleaning. In academic language, some of these other non-paid work tasks are described as "caregiving" and "IADLs" or instrumental acts of daily living.)
I am interested in how researchers document increasing time spent on self-care in middle age. I did find a thesis on the topic of time spent on grooming for women, particularly working women. However, I am having three problems locating more of this data: 1) inconsistent category labels 2) focus on the upper limits of the life span and 3) focus on those living in formal settings such as nursing homes.
Let me elaborate. The category descriptions are not consistent across studies. For example, exercise is sometimes grouped with recreation and a night's sleep is sometimes grouped into self-care. Or the emphasis on time use is more on describing paid work vs. leisure time rather than all the body work that people spend to prepare or recover from these tasks. If the focus shifts to the increased time needs related to aging, the participants are almost always on the extreme end of age. More research exists for those 65 plus or even 85 plus than for those in their 40s and 50s adjusting to slowly changing bodies. For example, this study using the American Time Use Survey compares survey data for those 75 plus with those 25 to 44, ignoring data for the middle aged. Also, the research focuses more on those who receiving help from caregivers. Residents of nursing homes tend to be more often research participants than community dwelling seniors because they are already under the gaze of professionals who document their activities. Or the statistics are focused more on how much time caregivers are sacrificing to help very frail relatives as does this report from the Bureau of Labor and Statistics.
So in the absence of hard data, let me return briefly to the emotional impact of these changes. I am now a lot greedier in how I spend my time. Not only can I see "the end game" in the decades ahead of me, I am also feeling a time crunch in the amount of energy I have each, individual day. This invites me to reflect on my priorities and adjust. A 2010 study by Parisi shows that older adults calculate these trade offs in order to decide how to spend their waning energy--be it physical, cognitive or social. Perhaps the time crunch of aging serves as the midwife to age-related wisdom. Or as I am fond of saying, "Wisdom is born out of fatigue--not maturity."
So I am not alone in this identity crisis formed by more time in the bathroom, the kitchen and the gym. I've got to trim hours out of my daily schedule in order to make time for self-care. It's time to cut out all the fluff: toxic people who suck away my time, time-wasting habits, self-destructive behaviors, and so on. No more baggage--mine or others'. It's time to transform into a lean, mean, achieving machine as I run my slightly wonky body towards the setting sun. Ready, set, GO! But first give me an hours to eat, stretch and dress.
Related:
Coping with Illness
Outrunning Father Time and the Grim Reaper for those 50+
The Senior Discount: A Matter of Fashion
