A Plea to Teachers at Back-to-school Time

So far, I have spent 15 years as a parent in formal schooling (ie. not counting nursery school, which was a co-operative - meaning that we had to assist in the classroom, serve on committees etc). Needless to say, I'm a bit tired when it comes to "parental involvement".
My Little Guy (who, at just turned 9 is up to my shoulder) is going into 4th grade/Year 5. Here are my rules preferences:
- No Parent homework. OK, I understand the stuff where we have to help the kids, (which, quite frankly, is not always welcome either) but last year we I was given my own homework every now and then. I don't want to see anything that begins with "Ask your parents..", or "Have your parent..", or even "Interview a parent". This parent is very likely to explode then give you an "F" on that assignment.
- Believe half of what he tells you happens at home and I'll do the same with regard to the classroom.
- I am not a teacher. OK, my mother was/is and my mother-in-law was/is, but it's not like osmosis; I don't know how to teach children. Nor do I understand how you teach math(s) these days, so if there are problems, don't expect miracles at home. (And - dare I say it, I am paying through the feckin' nose for my kids' education. If I had wanted to teach them myself, .........)
- The fear factor is not the same. OK, he's afraid of me but only in a "No Wii" kind of way; if he doesn't understand something he's going to get weepy and I'm going to be the Witched Witch of the East. With you, he still has to be respectful and he'll probably knuckle down and try.)
- Timing. If you need a costume, papier mache artifact, food item due by a certain date (especially the next day), tell ME not him.  Notes in backpacks, pinned to t-shirts or otherwise transported by children are pretty much destined for that big 'ole black hole.
- Communication..in general, is best done with me. E-mail preferably, unless it's something "sensitive"    Just don't communicate with me via the Little Guy and expect me to get the unbiased, complete and unedited version.
And in case you haven't done the sums, I have another 9 years to go of this - making it 24 consecutive years in all. And that's before you count the college years.

DONE!