Sparklepanda

LATEST ARTICLES ( 40 )

• The One Where I Get A New Label

  

  Psychiatrists suck. Psychologists suck. Not all of them, granted. There are some out there who do their jobs properly. I met one psychiatrist the other day who... Read more

  Posted on 02 August 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• Lush Life

  

  I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder dreadfully. I do exceptionally well on lovely sunny days and want to kill kittens on miserable overcast days. I'm a... Read more

  Posted on 01 August 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• The Ties That Bind

  

  Hope. It has been my life-raft for the last three years. After events of this week, it is fair to say that I am now treading water on my own. I feel physically... Read more

  Posted on 28 July 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

  

  A wonderful friend of mine has been here this week helping me out. She asked Felix if he thought mummy had changed at all since coming home from hospital. Read more

  Posted on 26 July 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• Warning: May Have Been Genetically Processed By The Same Equipment As Nuts

  

  After I checked myself into hospital to get help dealing with my alcohol dependance (dependance? addiction? which should I call it? Read more

  Posted on 26 July 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• The Post That I Cant Say Out Loud So I Will Write It Instead

  

  **Warning: this is a LONG post. It is not a happy post. It is not a post to read if you are pregnant.** The trouble with reading other blogs is that they may on... Read more

  Posted on 20 July 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• The Future is Now

  

  I spent a lot of time while in hospital thinking about the future, being afraid of the future. My future loomed, like a big scary monster at the foot of the bed... Read more

  Posted on 17 July 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• Hearing Voices

  

  I don't believe I'm worthy, the page in my journal reads. "Piffle" my friend Lioness offers from Portie-Land, and asks me to think of all the reasons why my... Read more

  Posted on 14 July 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• Home Is Where The Pizza Ordered By The Five-Year-Old Is

  

  I decided to check myself out of the hospital yesterday morning, even after the MASSIVE panic attack I had over the AA meeting non-event and the subsequent... Read more

  Posted on 06 July 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• Baby Steps

  

  In 18 minutes in another part of this hospital, an AA Meeting will start. I decided 2 days ago that I would go, so I could get some ideas, some strategies for... Read more

  Posted on 04 July 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• Detox Day Whatever*

  

  Apathetic. Anxious. Writing furiously and prettily in my journal and have come to some conclusions: I have had Panic Attacks my whole life. I have had Anxiety m... Read more

  Posted on 04 July 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• Writing as Therapy Because There Is No Other Option

  

  I've done therapy before. Lots. Loottts and lots. Surely somewhere along the way I have picked up some useful information and some of that information could be... Read more

  Posted on 02 July 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• "Being Nuts" Part the Third

  

  In which the heroine discovers that the Detox Program she has signed herself into at great personal heartache and mental distress does not, I repeat does NOT... Read more

  Posted on 30 June 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• Hospitality

  

  Day 1 of detox started fine this morning, dropping the kids off to their respective institutions. Fine fine fine until it was my turn to see the doctor and... Read more

  Posted on 29 June 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• The Night Before The Future

  

  Tonight I have told my 5 year old son that mummy has been sick and sad for a while because I was drinking too much wine, and that wasnt good for my body. Read more

  Posted on 27 June 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• Sleep, Tarot Cards and the Future

  

  On a sunny Saturday when you sleep until 10.30 because you took 4 Temazepam the night before and they actually worked so you miss either a) looking after your... Read more

  Posted on 25 June 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• "If I Am Not For Me, Then Who Is For Me?"

  

  *Apparently a Jewish Proverb. I read that on Twitter today so it must be true, eh? If I don't look out for myself, then who the hell else is going to? Read more

  Posted on 24 June 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• Realise Your Future

  

  Today I have made several important realisations: Being in friendly company is waayyy better for my mental health than being left to mope around at home. Read more

  Posted on 22 June 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• All Alcoholics Are Created Equal

  When I lived with my previous boyfriend, who we call Fuckhead round these parts but whose name was John, I had a close-up hands-on experience of alcoholism. Read more

  Posted on 21 June 2011 SELF EXPRESSION

• How The Fuck Did I Get Here, Then?

  I know there was a time when I was happy. Somewhere in between meeting Monkey Boy at the age of 33 and the shit going down with his mother over our wedding... Read more

  Posted on 19 June 2011 SELF EXPRESSION