There comes a point in your Motherhood where your appearance is out the window. In my personal experience this occurs when the third child weans. In this time you experience a freedom, unknown to MAN as you go away for the night and sleep soundly in your bed , ALONE. There is much to be learnt in this time. And much to be lazy about. You rediscover yourself, and find things to be much different than before. With every new season comes a new body. Which is why today, my friends, I resorted to Chic Fila napkins. In my bra.
Me. All the flatness is below.
Kissing my well meaning , hard working husband goodbye this morning he mentions a slight problem with my wardrobe. Knowing that I frantically got dressed to go see my sister , who was having surgery that morning … he knew I was in a slight rush. He also knows that I am not an observant woman when it comes to minor details. Such as my bra is TOO BIG.
” Honey, I think your bra is too big. I mean you look great, but its time for a new one.”
No. This couldn’t be. I refused to look in the mirror, as I loaded the girls in the MINIVAN that I had to drive. As if I needed to feel less feminine , and less TWENTY SIX years old, I observed myself in the rear view mirror. He was right, dang husband. I could see the groove lines of NO FAT that grazed my fancy Target T shirt. SHOOT, I do look like a freak show, about to grace my presence upon the socially acceptable people of my town. I bet they had bras that matched their real size, not like me who was in denial of my lack of breasts to fill even the slightest A cup.
It was off to Limited Too I went in search of a bra that would match a 7 year old going through puberty.
That would be the morally right thing to do, but instead I went to a local hotdog shop. In hopes that their hormone filled meals would provide me with the growth I needed to earn a VIC card , for God’s sake. With no breasts I DO look like a 12 year old toting around three small children. This does make it difficult to purchase wine, as I am asked each time if I am their Nanny. You know what , if I was their Nanny I would be getting an hourly wage. So just let me purchase the wine for my salary. I have supper to cook , and butts to wipe. Let me have the Merlot.
Before I got out on my van I observed myself in the mirror. Stupid husband, right about my pre teenage boobs. This bra doesn’t fit at all. You can see mountains being formed just in the creases of this bra that I have had since we wed. HA! Jokes on him that I look the same as our wedding night . Poor sweet man.
Standing at the check out line of the hotdog shop, I began to place my order. My stomach was screaming at me to fill it, and the coffee I had consumed hours before wasn’t happy to be speeding up my metabolism. Shaky and uneasy I placed my order.
: I’ll have two hotdogs all the way , a hotdog with ketchup and a children’s ice cream please, thanks “
It wasn’t long before my darling Adah, who happened to be on my hip ( where she mostly lingers ) pulled out a wad of tissue paper out of my tiny bra. There were no facial expressions. I only took the tissue paper from her and blew my nose. What else was expected of me? I was publicly humiliated , but I paid for my GMO hotdog and Coca Cola and sat down.
I was only trying to make things easy for the teller. I had exact change and was quiet as I ignored my toddler who totally reached in my bra to help contribute to the expense,
I paid up as I realized I was the huge laughing stock of this establishment. I didn’t mind it so much as I Knew the laughter came from my blessings, My girls whom have shown me Gods goodness and grace.
It’s a dang shame that I will be going back, because these hot dogs have saved my life. Made me the woman I am today. Until I get a new bra I will just to wear one, I have plenty of Dora band-aids I can use, it will be just fine. If you see me out in public after reading this post, you can give me a big hug. There is absolutely nothing to separate our embrace. Just as flat as South Dakota. My husband once went there on a mission trip right before he met me. His exact words were this:
” I just loved the flatness of it all. There was so much peace in being able to see everything, because for miles it was just flat. I think I would love living there. “
His dream has now come true. He now lives with the flattest of the flat . Amen.
