The Journal of Personality and Social psychology recently published a study on married sex—how often and how much desire is shown by partners, broken down by sex. It also delves into a husband’s perceptions about his wife‘s desire VS her perceptions about how he is feeling.
What they found is that men in general have a higher sex drive, but in long-term relationships, this is not so. Men have some difficulty judging a woman’s interest in sex, whereas women usually read their guy’s interest correctly. This last one is not that surprising, women are better overall at reading nonverbal communication than men are. Researchers also found that on the days men thought their partners were not interested, these same partners reported more satisfaction from their relationships. This most likely has to do with the men trying harder on those days, rather than being complacent and not believing they have to put any extra effort into their relationship. Mmmm, maybe this kind of scenario is where the whole idea of playing hard to get was conceived.
Their sex by the numbers statistics found that almost 80% of married couples have sex a few times a month or more; 32% report engaging in sex two to three times a week; 47% report having sex a few times a month; and less than 10% say their last sexual encounter lasted an hour or more. I must confess that as a therapist who works mostly with couples, I was surprised that the couples in this study were having as much sex as they said they are.
The study also touches on couples having sex when only one person feels desire—and that this can be good for a marriage and help keep their sexual connection going. I agree with this, not as a regular event, but during those times one is tired, unmotivated, etc—but is willing to make that extra effort for their partner.
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