Confession time…
I don’t have that many friends.
It’s not because I’m not nice. In fact, I’ve heard I’ve been called “the sweetest girl in the class” {to my great embarrassment, of course} by many people at school throughout the years. I’m known as “that really nice blonde girl who doesn’t talk”.
I’m pretty much the most shy and introverted girl you’ll ever meet. If you think YOU are shy and introverted… just hang around with me and suddenly you’ll look like the biggest extrovert on the planet. I’m the “extreme” case.
I’m not shy at home with my family or with my very best friend. I seriously will not STOP talking when I’m with my family.
But at school or in any other possible social setting? Not so much.
I’m the girl who used to not turn things in to my teachers because I was so afraid to go up to them and talk to them or hand them something. Not a joke.
It’s just who I am. I’ve always been a happy person and I’m not depressed because I’m socially awkward…it’s just part of being me.
While I’m really “sweet” & “kind” {others words, not mine!}, I’m not really “approachable”. I’m so quiet that I kind of just fall into the background. I think some people mistake it as weirdness too.
I don’t know how to have a conversation. I can talk with 1 person who I’m good friends with, but when it comes to being in a conversation with multiple people, I’m likely to just not talk or contribute unless I’m asked to.
I’m a “loner”. Not like that stereotypical weird kid dressed in all black who sat all alone in the corner of the lunch room at school and received many strange stares or anything. ;) But part of my personality is just that I really keep to myself.
I like having 1 or 2 best friends and then some “acquaintances”. I like staying home every weekend and doing my own thing… I go out with friends approximately once a year. Not even kidding you. In 2011 it was zero times! {I do go out with my family, cousins, etc. but just not any people who aren’t related. :)}
I have NO social life whatsoever and I almost always love it that way.
Except…when I want to make friends.
I don’t know how to be a close friend. I see a friend that I became friends with first being so much “tighter” with another so many other friends, even ones she just recently met.
Sometimes I just want to walk up and say, “include me!”. Because I really want to be close with these girls. I want to share inside jokes, i want to know their big secrets, I want to work with them on whatever it is they’re planning, I might even want to go out and do things with them!
But I really just don’t know how.
I hate seeing certain friends in my life growing closer {I hate it for myself, I don’t hate that 2 great girls have an awesome friendship going on} because I really want to be a part of their friendship, but I legitimately don’t know how.
Sometimes I just want to fit in, plain and simple.
For whatever reason, I have no people skills. What I should be doing is just reaching out to the people I really want to be super good friends with, because knowing them, I’m sure they’d welcome me with open arms. To me, that’s waaay harder than it should be.
I’m I ever going to be an outgoing, goes-on-coffee/dinner/shopping-dates-or-just-hangs-out-with-a-friend-multiple-times-a-week girl? No. But I don’t really want to be. I simply want fit in a little more and have more social skills.
I CAN become BFF’s with any of the girls I want to become that with, if i put in the effort. Apparently, what my mom always told me is true {why does that always happen??}: having a social life is normal, and even healthy.
Lord, please help me to connect with some of the amazing girls you’ve put in my life and really learn how to be in & have a group of really close friends. Help me to become a good friend and find my place in the friendships I want to be involved in. Help me learn how to belong. Help me to be proactive with this feeling that friendship is too challenging for a shy girl like me and go out and get close to those girls I want to be close with!
Someone pray that I’ll be successful with this. ;)
love,
your beloved majorly socially awkward friend, Sydney.
