Onestory
MY BLOGS
LATEST ARTICLES ( 25 )
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Hello Blog
I am still here! There is a whole pile of stuff building up in my head - so much has been going on in treatment, I need to get it all down into written form... Read more
Posted on 17 February 2016 SELF EXPRESSION -
Hello! Still Alive, Still Waiting
Finally I have a start date for the new clinic: 29th of December. Thank god!!! It's going to be a raging party for me this new years eve! Me and the nurse's,... Read more
Posted on 19 December 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
I'm Painting While I'm Waiting
It's been another nervous week for me, full of all sorts of ridiculous, disordered behaviour. I'm in a therapeutic vacuum - stuck between one treatment centre... Read more
Posted on 28 November 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Status Update, in Short
This will be very brief... I don't actually know what is going on with me. I can't write (I've started about five proper posts then abandoned them), I can't... Read more
Posted on 22 November 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Pictures of Recovery
Once I had finished my last post, I kept thinking about what this experience really felt like. I have spent the whole year battling an invisible foe that lives... Read more
Posted on 14 November 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Waiting for Rescue
The road to recovery doesn't follow a straight line, but twists and turns unpredictably. I've taken the wrong path plenty of times, spent a good while going... Read more
Posted on 12 November 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Smoke & Mirrors: A Clear View of Body Image
Body image is the way we perceive the appearance and attractiveness of our bodies. It's not a description of physical fact, not solid or immoveable, but blows... Read more
Posted on 07 November 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Dispelling Illusions
A spooky thing has happened. I was in therapy the other day, immersed in conversation, and I accidentally referred to the eating disorder as 'she'. I'd never... Read more
Posted on 31 October 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
The 'B' Word, the 'O' Word, Or Just 'HELP'?
I look and feel like a train wreck. I have a swollen salivary gland from purging. It looks like a golf ball is embedded in my cheek. My throat is red, raw and... Read more
Posted on 25 October 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
I Think I Can't
I've had two messy, disordered days in a row, and today very nearly became a third. Thank goodness, I managed to put the brakes on. I did what I often do when... Read more
Posted on 22 October 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Trials & Triumphs: Week 1 on a Meal Plan
This week, I have made radical changes. Following a meal plan has made an enormous difference to my behaviour and thinking. Things have been far from perfect (a... Read more
Posted on 17 October 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Words for Wobbly Moments
The temptation to revert to disordered eating is strong. It's a constant mental battle - at every meal time I fight it, and the hours in between. Read more
Posted on 12 October 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Tick, Tick, Tickedy Tick
Good news. I am now on the second day of my meal plan. It is a roaring success. That's not to say it's not hard to do - it is. The most difficult thing is... Read more
Posted on 11 October 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
An Unexpected Victory
Guess what I've gone and done? I've drawn up my own meal plan, and I'm feeling quite pleased with myself. The last few months, I've been wrestling with the idea... Read more
Posted on 09 October 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Meal Plan SOS!
I have one word to describe how I feel about the meal plan I received yesterday: DISAPPOINTED. Note the caps, the bold type. Also this: :( Still not enough to... Read more
Posted on 02 October 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
The Confronting Truth
Eighteen months ago my rational mind was taken hostage by my eating disorder. Almost every aspect of my life is on hold while I live with it. Starving is utterl... Read more
Posted on 30 September 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Figuring Body Comments
Every stage of my eating disorder has been accompanied by a running commentary on the appearance of my body. There was a great gush of approval when my weight... Read more
Posted on 25 September 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Maybe, Maybe...a Meal Plan?
Change is afoot. A small change - in attitude... potentially in behaviour, but I think it might be a tiny step forward. For the first time, I'm considering a... Read more
Posted on 17 September 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Recovery is Not the Word of the Day
Whatever recovery is, I don't feel like I'm in it. People use the term to describe the space between 'very ill' and 'recovered from illness'. With eating... Read more
Posted on 12 September 2015 SELF EXPRESSION -
Oh Dear Me, Anxiety
My brain is not working properly. I tried writing the post I had planned but I can't string my words together. And writing is one of the few things that I'm... Read more
Posted on 10 September 2015 SELF EXPRESSION
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