I am a person who needs reminders to take a step back. This may be true for many of us.
Something has shifted in the past two weeks, and I can’t quite put my finger on its cause, but the result is that I’ve been much more relaxed. In my personal life, I’m pretty open about the fact that I suffer from anxiety. Have I talked about that here? Maybe I haven’t. Anyway, I sometimes let myself- and I use the word “let” because sometimes, yes, it feels like a choice- get sucked into the incapacitating stress of it all: the tangible feeling of tightness in my chest, the hunched shoulders that refuse to rest comfortably, the pounding heartbeat. The threat of deadlines often bring it on, so you’d think that this time of year- finalsfinalsfinals!- would be a particularly troubling one.
But no. I think it has something to do with the cheery spring weather we’ve been having, with days long and bright, that have just made things seem more manageable. And it means that despite my busy schedule, I’ve really been enjoying life. B and I have been going on dates and seeing friends, cooking meals together and enjoying local happy hours. On a school night this week, we even found time to sit outside on our porch- for the first time, ever!- in our pajamas, drinking champagne and toasting Spring.
I’ve been taking time for myself, too. Last week I loaded up at the library, because reading has been, consistently, my favorite thing in the world. I’m at my happiest when I’m in the middle of a good book, and I really can’t imagine my life without one (or three) on my nightstand. I occasionally read reviews, but stay away from plot spoilers. I never read the summary, and instead choose my readings based on the publisher, the authors of the blurbs on the back, my familiarity with the author, etc.
I checked out three books:
Seating Arrangements, which I finished in two days. It was reviewed by three authors I love (Richard Russo, J. Courtney Sullivan and Justin Torres), so that was enough to sell me. I liked but didn’t love the book. The story of aristocratic New England family exploring their relationships in their Cape Cod summer home could be interesting, but I felt as though I’ve read this story a hundred times.
The Newlyweds. I’m about two-thirds of the way through, and while it’s not my favorite, I really like it. I’ve loved Nell Freudenberger’s writing since I read her brilliant (to my memory) short stories, Lucky Girls, in high school.
The Naked and the Dead. This has been on my list for a long, long time… I remember seeing my dad’s thick hardback on our bookshelf when I was young. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it here, but once I get my social work degree, my goal is to work with combat veterans and their families. Obviously talking with someone who has been in Iraq is very different from reading a novel of World War II, but I do think you can learn a lot from fiction, so I like to scatter my “for pleasure” reading with war stories.
I finally caved and got a gel manicure! There’s a place in my neighborhood that has a regular pedicure + gel manicure deal for $30, so I decided to try it out. I just don’t see the point in regular manicures anymore because I always manage to chip mine within two hours of getting them. And I hate taking off the polish. I’m on day 5 right now, and it looks as good as new! The one con- and yes, it’s a big one- is the UV damage your hands and nails are subject to, and I kicked myself for forgetting to bring sunscreen.
Fresh flowers! This is for both of us, but it is so cheery to see a little burst of color every time we walk into the dining nook. Our CSA (which starts at the end of the month!) has a flower share, and I’m considering springing for it.
How have you treated yourself this week?
