As I mentioned yesterday – there are many unwritten rules in Policing and one of these is the Rules of Blah. I first heard of these quite a few years back, but only managed to find one online reference to them in one of my Recommended Reading blogs – Area Trace No Search
So, for the uninformed or for those who had simply forgotten, here they are in all their glory. Please read and inwardly digest…
Rules Of Blah:
Probationary Bronze Card 0 – 2 years service
1. NO BLAH WHATSOEVER
Bronze Card 2 – 4 years service
1. All Blah to be limited to no more than 30 minutes per tour of duty
2. Must consult a Platinum Cardholder about Blah content before addressing the public arena
3. All Blah to be factual and witnessing officer to be present during presentation.
4. Any Blah from a previously worked division to be supported by MG11 [Statement] from witnessing officer/s
5. Must accept all belittling and ridicule of their Blah efforts in good spirit
6. Under no circumstances to Blah to probationary constables unless supervised by a Platinum Cardholder
Silver Card 4 – 10 years service
1. Unlimited Blah when supervised by Platinum or Gold cardholders
2. Unsupervised Blah when in company of junior officers – subject to a strict enforcement of no more than an audience of four (4) other officers – none of whom are allowed to hold probationer status
3. May only Blah about any incident attended in company of a senior card holder after that officer has first declined the opportunity to do so or considers the Blah factor to be beneath his exclusive position.
Gold Card 10 – 15 years service
1. Unlimited Blah during any tour of duty
2. All Blah must be factually based, but subject to generous poetic license
3. May be challenged by Platinum cardholders only
4. Any non divisional Blah to be supported by a witnessing officer.
Platinum Card 15 – 30 years service
Officers in the above category are permitted:
1. Unlimited Blah during any tour of duty
2. The right to tell outrageous tall stories and swing the blue lamp without challenge – even if it’s obvious they are lies or physically impossible.
3. However, all the above are obliged to mention the miner’s strike, the Brixton/Tottenham Riots or any major act of terrorism or civil unrest and imply they played a pivotal role for which they are entitled to humble acclaim
