I decided to write today’s blog post as a supplement to the “How to Overcome Tough Stuff” posts. Please check out Part 1 and Part 2 if you haven’t yet.
After reading parts 1 and 2, you might STILL find yourself in situations where you are frustrated and upset.
You’ve allowed yourself to fully “feel” your emotions, you’ve even talked to a few friends, but no matter what you do, you can’t seem to let go of the hurt or anger.
Definition is Key
This is usually caused by one thing: you haven’t properly defined what it is that is REALLY upsetting you.
There are 2 things that hold us back from actually discovering what’s bothering us at our core:
- It takes time: discovering your true hurt takes deep reflection
- It takes brutal honesty: it takes an incredible amount of honesty to acknowledge what is really bothering us, and it is difficult because it makes us feel very vulnerable (and we usually try to avoid that feeling)
We must develop the habit of verbalizing profound emotions and profound hurt. It is very difficult to say things like…
I feel unloved
I feel ignored
I feel abandoned
I feel rejected
I feel under-valued
I feel pushed aside and discounted
I feel stupid
I feel unimportant and disrespected
I feel like failure
Those are difficult feeling to get at because we don’t like saying them. Acknowledging them brings out another level of hurt that is more intense than the one we are already experiencing, so we tend to avoid that process.
It’s important to resist that temptation and embrace our REAL emotions, the emotions that eat at us and keep us up at night. Only when we accurately define our feelings can we truly overcome them, move forward and let go of them once and for all.
It is a very powerful thing to be able to accurately state what’s bothering you. It will give you a sense of clarity and understanding that will free you from the grip that negative emotions can have. It will open your eyes to the happiness you deserve.