Remember the old times, when we were kids? Parenting to our parents meant providing the best possible chances and options to their children, which they did not have access to. Parenting then was about providing for your children and making sure they stay in school and graduate or study with good grades. By hook or crook, with constant nagging or sometimes a slap, our parents made sure we knew what our priorities were. Parenting now, is a whole different ballgame. New age parents are treading a path that is much worse for the coming generation – they love to hover – and hence are the generation that encourages helicopter parenting.
We love to hover
Why is it that the I have a constant urge to ensure that the safest mode or option is available to my daughter at her disposal? I will not deny it, but there are situations when I am no less a helicopter parent myself. When I became a mother, I constantly obsessed about what touches my daughters skin, what she eats, when she eats, everything that was remotely related to my daughter, was a question of constant contemplation. Why was their so much of pressure to raise a child in a particular way? My mother raised 3 kids and never once had I seen her in such state as myself. How was she so comfortable in her skin.
New age parents want to be part of each event in their child’s life, under the pretext of being their friend, deep down we still harbor similar concerns as the older generation. But, with societal pressures of being friends with your child, we try to ensure that we are part of their life constantly.
Is it all that bad?
As much as I am upset about not being able to be a mother in a much liberal way as my mother, I do sometimes feel happy that I go above and beyond to find the best for my child. Hovering is not bad as long as long it is not a complete invasion of a child’s independent thought process. Are you a parent of a teen and constantly hover around their social profiles? This for me is invasion. Yes sure you need to keep a check on their activities, but that is the reason we have security software. Beyond that, a honest conversation with your child about your expectations and how you do not want them to take wrong decisions in life, along-with a little faith in your child is the best bet you have.
Society has changed. World is not as it was when were children. But, each generation adapts to the changing ways in which the world works. A parents, we need to trust our children, provide them with values, guide them about making the right choices, and then set them free. If they make a mistake, teach them to shrug it off, learn a lesson and move forward.
Tips to not overdo helicopter parenting
I believe that certain age groups of children can actually benefit from the “hands-on-always-there” parent. Specifically, for tweens and young adults, it is good to know that someone with sound piece of advice is always around. For others, these tips might help ease of the pressure.
Assist when asked
Your two year old is unable to pick that last piece of chicken with his fork and your hands are itching to help him do it – stop right there! At this age, children are learning new things and you do not want to be a deterrent to their new world of discovery.
Stop trying to be best at parenting
The whole pressure of creating a perfect world for your child can be very exhausting. There is no one judging you or your parenting capabilities and it is time that you let yourself out of these shackles.
Interference needs to end
Are you the parent who rushes to locate the parent of a child who just bit your 5 year old? Though cautioning parents about the child’s behavior is acceptable, but rushing to save your child from situations of conflict will create a child who is afraid of confrontations.
Let them be independent
It can be difficult to watch your child take a step towards a new experience and see them fail, but I would rather have the child fail then to hand hold them towards success. A lesson learnt from failure teaches much more than constant success.
Though detaching yourself from your child’s growing world can seem daunting, remember that as Gibran quotes in the The Prophet, “You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth”. This means your children will move on and if you are too attached to every step that they take, detaching will become a very painful experience as opposed to the liberating experience that it should be.
What are your thoughts about helicopter parenting?
