In my post for last weekend's hop I wrote briefly that I had found relief and release on a long-standing issue. If you have read either of my posts How I Got Drawn In or A Minister's Son, then you will have some idea what that issue was. I expect these to be the first of five posts in this series. At the moment I don't want to give away how it all ends (though I am writing this, so you know I survived.)
The thing is, for years I felt shame and guilt for having got into a situation where I was attacked, as if somehow it was my fault. Logically I knew that it wasn't but the emotional part of my brain had not caught up with the rational part, and I still felt shame. Then suddenly I could see that it wasn't some flaw in me, but that I simply didn't have the experience or understanding to react differently at the time. It didn't happen because I was defective, but because of myriad circumstances, many of which had nothing to do with me.
During the writing of the two installments I have completed so far, I have tried very hard to tell the facts as they happened, and to record dialogue to the best of my memory - and doing this has led me to understand my younger self even more. I am very thankful for that - for the self-forgiveness, for the release and relief it brings. I will write more about this once I've finished the series, but for now I just want to add that I looked up the symptoms of PTSD, and like Jennifer Sky, I recognised myself in the years of my late teens and twenties.
I am very thankful that sharing my story is encouraging others to share theirs - mostly this has been done privately, but it doesn't matter whether we share with one person or a few thousand - if it brings the feelings out into the open and brings self-forgiveness then that is all that matters.
On a lighter note (though it is connected) I have been delighted and excited by a review of Drawings in Sand this week. It's all the more wonderful because without the Ten Things of Thankful hop this would probably not have happened.Last Sunday Jean Baldridge Yates left a comment on my TToT post. I had not met Jean before, but she let me know that she loved my writing and that she was a "top reviewer" on Amazon.
I contacted Jean to ask if she would like to read Drawings in Sand. She did. And she loved it.
What a thrill to have an Amazon Vine Voice review my book, and what a review! There's something so satisfying when it is so clear that a reader totally understands your aim as a writer - after all isn't that why we write? Do check out Jean's review over at her blog, Snap Out of it Jean.
I have noticed that, in many ways for me, changes occur in writing before they do in life. I think that this could be because when we write we often access a more advanced part of our consciousness, and so insights can occur that might not in everyday life. I think Drawings In Sand is one example of that, because the central theme of the book is forgiveness, including self-forgiveness. It's taken me a while, but I'm definitely getting there. And thankful for that. If you would like to read more thankful posts or to join in the hop, then click on the button below.
