Arguing and a negative environment are not great settings for kids, but it is so difficult to end a relationship and even harder when there are kids involved. What happens when mom and dad are just not getting on and no longer want to be together?
Put aside the obvious reasons for separating, the reason is not important, but its sad when one part of the couple have fallen out of love. It happens, its life but it makes for a difficult decision. Should you tear the family apart?
I was in this situation a number of years ago, I had been with the father of my eldest 3 children for almost 11 years, married for 5 of those. We both had a good job, a nice home, flashy car and 3 adorable children. But I didn’t love him, remove the domestic violence and the fear that was only a part, the house was not filled with laughter and I resented him. I could no longer pretend to even like him. I cringed at being in the same room as him.
I had no choice but to leave, circumstanced beyond my control, but non the less the thought of my children growing up in a broken home had made me stay as long as I did. I wanted the best for my children and I believed this meant having both mom and dad. I was wrong. I do not believe you should stay together for the kids sake. I think staying in a loveless relationship causes nothing but heartache and resentment.
I asked a few friends what their opinions were and here is what they told me;
“ I think that everybody could say no, but I think when faced with the choice between keeping your family together and being unhappy, or being unhappy for a while then things getting better and there being a light at the end of the tunnel sounds easy for those of us who haven’t been there, but when it comes to the crunch, you just cant break up your family. “ Says Kayleigh
“ NO! If there are problems in your relationship and your considering staying together for the kids sake, the problems are not going to go away. If anything they will get worse. Then your child/children will hear your arguments and pick up on the awful atmosphere, in the end it will not be good for your babies.” Says Nicola
“ No my partner stayed with his ex for the children’s sake, they argued in front of the children as they began to resent each other. “ Says Michelle
“I’m going through it at the moment. And I am leaving because the atmosphere is not good for my daughter. She is 14months now and me and her dad have tried and tried to keep our family together for the 14months. And we have both been very unhappy. So there has to be a line, as parents you think your doing the best for you child by keeping its parents together. But an unhappy family isn’t good for a child “ Says Nicola
“Coming from a broken home myself no most certainly not, my parents tried this, it just meant an atmosphere and us children hearing arguments and getting upset “ Says Carol
“ No, in my opinion wish I had realised that 2 years ago. Wouldn’t be going through all this crap now. We tried again for the kids sake, it was good at first then we just resented each other and he had an affair with his ex girlfriend and got her pregnant. Keeping it secret from me for over 10mnths almost crushed me and I put the kids through it all again just cos I wanted to keep us all together. Hate myself for that but at least now I can concentrate on them and only them “ Says Victoria
“ I think 90% of people would say no until it came to it happening to them. My parents tried to stay together mainly for my younger sister – she was 12 when my parents separated but they tried to live together but it was so difficult, especially with the circumstances surrounding them splitting. My dad moved out in the end and it nearly killed him being away from us, whereas my mom couldn’t stay away enough as she had her new life so they swapped. They now don’t speak but my dad says he wishes they’d have separated properly in the first place instead of having the lies and uncertainty. “ Says Tiff
“ Its not fair on the child/ children my partner did this and he and his ex wife hate each other, the kids should be put first “ Says Debbie
“No I tried and tried and in the end my kids ended up depressed, I can never forgive myself for it !!! If its not going to work get out for the sake of your kids, now my kids are as happy as can be” Says Hazel
“ No, being through it myself I would rather my daughter to grow up with me and her dad happy having gone our separate ways then being miserable still together. We broke up when my daughter was 2 months then after a week got back together, we then split again when my daughter was 5 months old and to be honest things were patchy before our little girl arrived. I wish we had called it off then as we argued a lot, it wasn’t fair on my little girl, she’s now nearly 10 months” Says Jade
“ No staying in a relationship for a child or children will harm them in the long run as they will witness arguments and atmosphere which will do nothing but damage the child. One parent leaving will hurt but in long run the kids and parents will be happier. I have seen this in my family and by god its better being separate than living a lie. “ Says Sheena
“ I’m going to be different and say yes sometimes. It depends if there’s violence or abuse in which case no , but otherwise yes. If you have kids together then you owe it to them to try to make it work. Exhaust all avenues before you give up. That way it is peace of mind for you that you tried everything to be together but it just wasn’t possible and when your children are old enough you can tell them that with a clear conscience. If you walk away with too quickly you are left with what ifs and regrets and they are hard to get past later when the dust has settled” Says Shell
“ From a bloke who has recently gone through it, I also say no as it eats away at you day by day, I have just got my own place, but it has made things better between me and my ex, were like brother and sister now” Says Jodie
So my dear readers I ask you – Should you stay together for the kids sake? Leave me a comment to let me know your views.
A Debate Corner Post By The Real Supermum