The last month has been... different. Words on paper, or on this blog, will never fully express where my heart and my head has been. I've been trying to discover my life out here in the desert all while trying to figure out what it means to be 26. I'm over thinking this right? I've had so many fortunate opportunities over the last six months and not to mention some pretty outstanding individuals have come into my life as well. I'm telling ya, there is NOTHING better than being surrounding by talented, motivated, and passionate individuals. Work is amazing, my career is picking up, and in the mean time I'm having a killer time writing articles for UGLY Magazine, EMMA Magazine, and SheKnows.com. Things are pretty great and I have a lot to be thankful for.
I wish I were strong enough to take hold of the other areas of my life I want to improve. I think about how amazing it would be if I could find the courage and the words to stand up for what I need and deserve. But when the opportunity arrises I find myself weak and incapable of finding the breath I need to have a voice. So instead I am indifferent, I am distant, I'm not offering the love I should be giving, and as I've done before... I'm slowly distancing myself. I know I can fix this, but I don't even know where to start. I've been here before and apparently I'll be here again. I just need to decide if that is how I choose to live my life. These are the things that constantly fumble in my mind while everyone see's my personality through fashion, makeup, and my career. Deep down, all I can think about is how even when I'm not alone, I'm the loneliest I've ever been.
Yesterday I had a lovely coffee date with a photographer friend of mine Ale from Imaginale Designs. While we chatted about recent shoots, future collaborations, empowering women, lipstick!, and photography... all I could really do is read between the lines and watch this beautiful, talented, and happy woman. All I could think to myself is "Yeah. This lady is wonderful and one day I'll be as grounded, happy, and loved as she is." Its friends like these that help me to know I am strong enough to dream big, love fully, and that I am worth what I've always wanted. She sold me her used Canon 50mm 1.8 lens and I've been playing with it ever since. The photos above were taken this morning at Lola's in Downtown Phoenix.
