I was 13 when I first attempted suicide, alone, afraid and lost in the world. My life was so low at that young age that I wanted it to end. I took a major overdose and I should not have survived, but I did. I would attempt suicide further times, before turning to self-harm to help me cope. I have turned my life around and now offer support to others who like me at those times, feel that suicide is the only thing left.
The World Health Organisation estimates that about one million people around the world die by suicide every year. There are people all over the world who feel so low that suicide seems like the only way out. But there is always another way – and we can tackle it together. (National Awareness Days)
We share a collection of real suicide experiences from mothers on my Facebook mums group, to highlight how suicide affects so many lives.
Nikkei’s Suicide Story; “I felt so alone, I had lost my nan, I hated my job. Then my boyfriend at the time decided to finish things. I was so low I didn’t see any other way out. I’ve battled depression since I was 17 and now the depression was going to win. I took Nurofen, a month’s supply of anti-depressants and Paracetamol.
Luckily my ex found me and rushed me into hospital, they gave me an anti-dote but I had a reaction to that and was rushed to the resuscitation area. I was then put on a high dependency ward. After I was released from hospital I received counseling and given a community care nurse (CPN). That was 9 years ago now.
I’m so glad I didn’t succeed as I now have a wonderful partner and a gorgeous son who is my life. Depression is still a daily battle for me, but now when I get low I get help”
Lisa’s Suicide Story; I was 13 when I took an overdose. I did it because I was brought up in care. I wanted to die because I felt my mother did not want me or cared about me. After I took them, my foster carer found the bottle and asked me where the rest of the tablets were. I broke down crying and told her.
She rushed me to the doctors where I saw my doctor at the time. She said to take me home and monitor me. At the time I was so upset and wanted to just die. But now I’m so glad I didn’t die as I have the most perfect daughter and partner. I don’t see my mother or my foster family, but I have learnt to cope with this and move on.
Carol’s Suicide Story: I have attempted suicide twice. The first time I was 11 and got called a fat bitch from girls at school. It escalated to sever bullying and I stopped eating and lost loads of weight (was hospitalised once or twice).
That didn’t work so selfishly I tried to hang myself. Thankfully my brother walked in on me and slapped the sense out of me. The 2nd time I was 15 and was having problems with my mom (heavy drinker and was violent) I was a self-harming at this point and tried to cut really deep. I got scared after I had done it and went straight to my best mate who helped me. I am so glad I survived.
Nat’s Suicide Story; My dad killed himself when I was 7. I didn’t find out until later that it was suicide but since the day he died my family was blown apart. Even my mums own family blamed her and were cruel. We moved away and started over but the shadow of suicide still remains. My road to normality has been long and hard but my autistic sister has never gotten over it. The scars are too deep.
Vickie’s Suicide Story; My first attempt at suicide was when I was 14. I had just received another of my so called fathers abusive letters, telling me it was my fault my mom had 3 miscarriages after me, because I was such a fat ugly baby I broke her womb.
I was being bullied at school and felt completely worthless and decided that it would be better for everyone if I wasn’t here. So I drank almost half a bottle of bleach after taking a packet of my mums pain killers. My mom found me in time and I’m so glad she did as I wouldn’t have gone on to have my 2 amazing children. Plus it would have destroyed my mom. Seeing the pain in her eyes was worse than the damage I caused to my throat.
Sam’s Suicide Story; I was 16 when I tried to kill myself. I was living with my nan as my mom kicked me out when I was 15. My first love had just ended things with me about 6 months before even though he was violent I was heartbroken. I met a new guy and thought he was amazing and he showed me how I should be treated.
I thought I’d met a decent guy, but on Christmas day I found out he’d been cheating on me. I’d had a difficult childhood and had never exactly been ‘happy’. I can’t remember exactly what had happened that day that made me snap, but on the 17th January 2008 I got a bottle of vodka and sat in my room and took 60 co-codamol, co-dydramol and Paracetamol. I lay down and went to sleep.
The next thing I remember was being in an ambulance. They took me to hospital and left me on a bed. Once the nurse left I got off the bed and ran away. I fell over in the main entrance and people tried to help me but I pushed them off and carried on running. I got outside but everything started spinning.
The last thing I remember was looking up at the sky and thinking this is it. I woke up 4 hours later in a hospital bed with a drip in my arm. I couldn’t believe I was still alive and just cried and cried that I was still here. I genuinely wanted to be dead, I didn’t think I had anything to live for, I thought my life would always be one of rejection and sadness and I didn’t want to deal with it anymore.
I was kept in hospital until I saw the mental health team. Once I was released things were rough and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get better. But four years down the line I’ve got an amazing little boy, and although I still have depression and sometimes things are tough I just have to look at my little boy and realize he’s all I need.
You never know how your life is going to change. I was in such a dark place, convinced I’d always be there, but I’m so much happier now.
