I have received an email from a frightened teenage girl, who believes she is ready to have sex with her boyfriend for the first time, this young girl is only 14 and is looking for some advice and support.
“ Well I’m 14, me and my boyfriend have been together for three, nearly four months. Although its quite early in the relationship, we’ve talked about talking it a step further and talked about contraception we could use, but I’m scared about whether my mom would find out. Were both ready to, but I’m just unsure about whether its too early to have sex.
I’m too shy to talk to my parents about it.”
I have to start by reminding you that at 14 years old having sex is against the law, the legal age to participate in sexual activity is 16 and is so for very good reasons.
You have only dated this guy for 4 months, what is your rush to take such a huge step, so quickly? Are you afraid that he will dump you if you say no? Are you trying to act more grown up than you really are? Are your friends all talking about doing it and you want to fit in?
No reason is a good reason to have sex unless you are fully ready, that also means mentally ready.
You must have sex only when you are in a loving and stable relationship, with someone who respects you warts and all. Would you not want the guy who takes away your innocence to be the one you can 100% trust and who knows your deepest secrets and still loves you? How can you know this guy so well in only 4 months?
Why not wait 6 months? See if your still together ? Then talk about it again. This will give you both time to relax and just enjoy dating, have fun. If he really does love you then he will be prepared to wait 6 months, 2 years would be better. Also remind him that having sex with an under-age girl is against the law, you have not given his age.
Are you really ready to commit yourself to this 1 guy? How will you feel if this guy uses you, then dumps you, then tells all his friends? Please think seriously before you agree to anything.
Have you a family member you trust that you could talk too? Why are you afraid to tell you mum?
As a responsible adult and mother to a daughter only a year younger than you, I really need you to understand what a huge commitment having sex actually is and wonder if your ready to have sex, I think you know by emailing me what my answer was going to be..
So many young girls make the mistake of having sex at a young age, to later regret it. I do not want you to become one of these.
If you do decide that having sex is what you really want, then please make sure you use contraception, there are many varieties that your GP or local sex clinic can help you with and yes this is 100% confidential, they can not tell your parents.
Good luck and keep yourself safe but most of all respect yourself and your body and only give it to another when you know they are the right one. If I can help you in any other way, just contact me, im always around for a chat.
What Advice Can You Give?