I love caffeine. I love it so much that I can categorize times in my life by what type of caffeinated beverage I was drinking at the time.In high school it was cappuccinos and Pepsi.
In college it was Diet Coke and iced carmel lattes.
Soon after I got married it was black coffee and black tea.
Right before Baby J was born it was iced tea from Dunkin Donuts.
During my pregnancy, I drank Pepsi. (No, I'm not proud of this. Yes, I cleared it with my doctor first.)
Right now, I'm loving my medium coffee (double cream, double sugar) from Dunkin Donuts.
More than anything that the caffeine does for me, I like to have that drink in my hand, especially if it is hot. It relaxes me and puts me in another place for twenty minutes, or so. The energy giving properties are just a bonus!
Lately, though, I have been finding myself crashing harder after every coffee or soda. It seems what used to be a fun and relaxing thing to drink is now making me feel ill and tired. It only takes about five minutes for me to start feeling sick after a cup of coffee. It doesn't even give me energy any more. It just makes me jittery and tired.
Jittery is not a good thing for a person who suffers from anxiety. I find my anxiety is substantially worse after I drink coffee, tea, or soda. My mood is altered and I am a whole different person: not a nice one.
So here I am, a girl who loves her caffeine and has to stop. If it were just myself I had to think about, I would probably not stop. But I have an eight month old son who needs me at my best every single day. I don't have time for avoidable anxiety attacks and mood swings. I certainly don't have time to be tired!
Today was my first day without any real caffeine. I had a cup of hot chocolate, though. That is my trade-off for now. I have been tapering down my consumption for about a week.
It is going pretty well but I am having some headaches and muscle pain. I also have noticed some stomach pain. These are normal withdrawal symptoms for me. I know this because this is not my first time quitting. I can't even remember all the times I tried to quit. I know it has been quite a few.
This time it is different. My son needs me and I am determined to do this, for his sake and my own. I want to feel healthy and happy. This time I am going to stick with it.
