Credit
I had an abortion at 16 years old.
It all began when I met a guy then 20 through a babysitting job I did , I thought he was great the best guy I had ever met but back then I didn’t realize how wrong I could possibly be. After chatting for only a couple of days we arranged to met up and began a sexual relationship, nothing serious and as some may call it he was a my fuck buddy, I would stay at his house, go out drinking with him. Most of the time we had sex when we were both so drunk we forgot about a second protection, I was taking the pill so I automatically thought that would be enough.
After waking suddenly one morning feeling violently sick I had to run to the toilet where I threw up, within minutes of doing so I felt perfectly fine, bit strange I thought to my self maybe I was coming down with a bug. I carried on with the day head at college.
A few days passed with me being sick in the mornings. I then realised I needed to bite the bullet and go and purchase a pregnancy test. I sat nervously on the bathroom floor awaiting the results. After waiting for what felt like a life time I turned the test over, I was PREGNANT !!.
As I ran out of the door in a panic I needed fresh air and time to think, I needed to get my head around the situation. I decided to tell a few friends first as I needed moral support then I told his mother who was over the moon it was just the next person I had to tell was ‘him’ and I was dreading it, my heart pumping so hard I felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. It was now or never he needed to know.
It was 8pm by then I looked at my phone I had ten missed calls on my phone from him, he was wondering where I had got to. I went to his house and carried on as normal preparing his tea, cleaning the normal chores I did daily.
I then sat down on sofa thinking to my self I can’t hold this in any longer, so I bluntly said “I’ve got something to tell you, WERE pregnant !!” Silence filled the room my heart beating so fast as he held his head in his hands, suddenly out of no where he told me ‘to get rid’ -his own words not mine. My heart sunk, I felt sick with anger and hurt, his reasons for wanting me to have an abortion because he cared about his job and his dog more than me.
Yes you read that right, he cared about a dog more than me and his unborn child.
A couple of days went by with the constant arguing everyone in his family getting involved the decision was made by him,I felt pushed out he told his mother to book me an appointment at the abortion clinic with in a day I had an appointment I felt sick, I kept thinking to myself this isn’t what I want I don’t want to do this, I want to keep my baby, after the appointment we were given a date for the abortion to be carried through. I cried my self to sleep that night.
As the sun rose so did I my legs shaking like jelly, he came to pick me up leaving his phone at his mothers. So me being me I looked through it there were lots of text messages from a girl he had told her all about the pregnancy and soon to be abortion.
As I went into the room at the clinic the doctor had left my notes on the bed my mind got the best of me they were my notes. I decided to look at them but to this day I wish I had never looked in their was a picture of my baby. I pleaded with him to change his mind to look at the picture but he didn’t, his mind was set and me being young and stupid believed he loved me and wanted to be with me like he had said.
As I was being taken into the operating theater my eyes filled with tears they began to run down my cheek, I cried as they were preparing me for the operation, and as they were putting me to sleep I was terrified looking around thinking I could just run from this right now, maybe it is all just a bad dream maybe I’ll wake up in a minute.
When I eventually came round I was in agony I began to cry holding my stomach saying ‘I’m so so so sorry mommy didn’t want to do it’. If only I could turn back time but I couldn’t I had aborted my baby.
We went back to his then he dropped me at his mothers, that was the last time I ever saw him.
While living with his mother I began texting a lad -my current partner, as we exchanged over 100 texts a day my exes mom told me to be brave and arrange to meet him so I did. That was 3 years ago in may and we now have a healthy,happy 19 month old boy. I love my son to bits and I wouldn’t change him for the world.
I recently had a tattoo of a butterfly on my stomach to remind me of the abortion. I was totally against abortion as many people but all I can say is you never fully understand someones decision until you have been there yourself, I never thought I would be one of those people and I’m not proud of it but I had to do it or so I thought!
Don’t allow anyone pressure you into anything you do not want to do because like me one day you may wish to regret it.
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