This might prove to be a bit more than embarrassing but after reading some Fr. Lemieux this morning, I think I'm ready to confess it.
But first, let's hear from the good padre:
The center of our faith is not Francis, Benedict, or John Paul, It is Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. There is an intense christocentrism that we are all called to, without which the most creative and enthusiastic apostolic efforts fall flat, lie fallow, fail. And this christocentrism is expressed in prayer, consistent, unglamorous, steady prayer. Falling asleep at our devotions. Being bored and restless and surreptitiously checking our watch. Having nothing to say to God. Bringing him the usual laundry list of intentions that never change much from year to year. Reading scripture and getting nowhere with meditating on it. All that good stuff.
We think of prayer as pouring out our hearts and minds in a constant flow of ecstatic love with God, or of being swept up in mystical abandon to the heights of heaven, or of some great tangible experience of love and presence. Well, all that happens, once in a while. Once every twenty years or so, maybe (okay, I exaggerate – once every ten years).
But the deeper reality of prayer is our choice to waste time with Jesus. To regularly, routinely, habitually plunk ourselves down before him, either before the tabernacle, or in some other venue, and be with him, no matter what. To be there, whether or not he is entertaining us or seems to be answering our prayers, or whether or not we ‘feel’ very prayerful at this moment. Just be there, with Jesus, for better or for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, till do we (not) part.
This is the true and deep christocentrism without which our lives ultimately fail. As long as our focus is on results or emotions or on getting our ‘needs’ met or having the world arrange itself according to our specifications or having our plans and projects succeed, then our focus is not on the Lord Jesus, but on what we hope to get from him.
I love that. Read it all, particularly the words from Pope Francis that inspired it.
I love it because it hits home big time and I love it because Fr. Lemieux weaves into this lesson on prayer words usually heard in a wedding, words that give heaven sent meaning to marriage.
Which brings me to my promised confession.
Since Lent, the wife and I have committed to praying the Divine Office's Night Prayer just before going to sleep. Using the iPad, I fire up DivineOffice.org, click on the Night Prayer tab and usually, I'll read that night's offerings with my beloved bride laying next to me, her head on my chest, my arm around her, in what we've started calling prayerful cuddling or... yes... puddling. There, I said it... the snickering can commence.
More recently, we've started to listen to the podcast rather than my reading the prayers. The podcast will at times include some seriously beautiful hymns sung by some seriously talented choirs. It's become a part of the evening that I honestly look forward to.
We do at times however fall asleep before the podcast has ended but now, thanks to Fr. Lemieux, I don't think we'll feel so bad about it.
We're spending time before God together and the image of His looking down over us as we sleep is pretty powerful even when we've fallen asleep before we've officially ended our prayers, something I now won't feel so guilty about.
Protect us, Lord, as we stay awake; watch over us as we sleep, that awake, we may keep watch with Christ, and asleep, rest in his peace.
