Parenting
Parenting Confession: Yelling at Kids
Mommy may ‘know’ what’s best, but there are certainly times when Mommy makes a parenting mistake and doesn't ‘do’ what’s best. In this case, it’s yelling at my kids.
Two weeks ago, we had a stressful week. We’re tired of being housebound because of the weather and the cold winter. My husband stayed late at work a few days to catch up on things, leaving me home all day with all three kids and the home responsibilities. My son was giving me a hard time about getting ready for school in the mornings and doing his homework at night after being off from school due to a bunch of snow days.
We were cranky and not working well together. The kids were bickering constantly, the baby was needy and wanted to be only held by me, and I reached my limit really fast. It began in the mornings when I called the kids to come upstairs after breakfast to get ready for the day. Other mornings I would call their names once and they were up the stairs. After being off our schedule for the extra snow days, they were not responding to the first call, or the second call, or the third call. I became very irate. I yelled with my strongest voice, exasperated that they didn’t hear me the first three times. Once my oldest was in school, I was home with the two youngest ones. The baby only wanted to be held and didn’t want to take his afternoon naps. His sister was equally as clingy, following me everywhere and needing to be holding onto my arm or leg as I tried to do my chores. In the afternoons, the kids would fight in the car on the way home from school, and the fight would continue in the house. My son wouldn't want to do his homework, they were all starving for dinner when it wasn't yet ready, they would fight over the TV, the Wii, going to bed….I snapped. I yelled at anything. I wasn’t me, but a raging tyrant who couldn’t find easy solutions to these otherwise easy problems. Who do I blame? Them? Nope. This one is on me. When I yelled the last time over the weekend, a sight I’ll never forget caught my eye. The baby looked at me as if he didn’t know who I was, while at the same time the other two just leaned away from me. Was the yelling accomplishing anything or making things better for me? Not at all. Right then I realized how ridiculous I was being and how I was adding more to the problems then resolving anything. It was awesome what happened next. After being cooped up for too many days, we decided to go out for dinner as a family. Bringing three young kids to a restaurant isn’t exactly a relaxing experience, but something about this time was different. It was if we had all needed a change in scenery. The kids didn’t fight. The baby sat in his high chair and was content. My husband and I actually smiled at each other, happy that we were enjoying our time as a family. Once we were home, we were still relaxed. Here’s the amazing part: it’s been days since I last yelled. That little change in our everyday schedule refreshed us and helped us to get out of our funk. We simply just needed a reset! And I know my kids don't harbor bad feelings towards me. My son has been following directions the first time he's asked to do something, which is showing me how much he's growing up. The baby gives me sloppy wet kisses and gets excited when he sees me walk into a room. My daughter has since crawled into my lap and whispered, "Mommy, you're the best". Melts my heart!
Parenting Advice
This has given me the chance to learn from my mistakes. What could I have done differently?- I could have (should have) known our schedule would be thrown off from the snow days, and I could have gently reminded the kids beforehand of what I expected from them, even if it took several (thousand) reminders.
- I could have used my ‘look’ more than my voice. You know, the parenting ‘look’ that tells kids without words that they need to rethink their behavior.
- I could have ditched the chores for a few days to spend more one-on-one time with the baby and my daughter.
- I could have taken the kids window shopping or for a ride in the car when we had cabin fever.
- I could have asked my husband or another family member to sit with the kids for a few hours so I could get a few things done or so I could just relax for a bit.
Am I a monster for yelling? In the moment, perhaps, but I'm just a human who lost control in a stressful time. Doesn't that happen to us all? And you know what, I'm sure it's going to happen again, but maybe next time I'll stop in my tracks and rethink things and find a way to reset before continuing to yell.
Tell Me: Have you yelled at your kids in moments of frustration? What do you do (or could you do) instead of yelling?
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Marissa is a stay-at-home mom who writes pregnancy and parenting articles on HubPages as ThePracticalMommy, as well as shares her motherly escapades on Mommy Knows What's Best.
