Home was warm. Home was welcoming. Home was safe from the outside world.
Yet, there came a point in time when the outside world crept in and collided with my inner world.
The home I had known, and taken so much comfort in, was slowly deconstructed as the people in that home parted and went separate ways.
For a long time I felt like my home had lost its heartbeat. That silent, steady rhythm that keeps things flowing from one day to the next, throughout the seasons. "Home" became a house. Functional in nature, yet lacking that sense of warmth and comfort that I had known so well.
The outside world beckoned. Invitations of work, travel, study and volunteering emerged. I found comfort in the busyness of life outside of the house. Free from confining walls, the outside world felt like home.
Time passed.
A small garden had began to grow. A pet or two arrived. Friends shared time with me in this new space I now called 'home'. Music, laughter and conversations infused the rooms. Gradually, the sense of home began to return. I was beginning to understand that we carry our 'homes' within, and the physical space we inhabit is simply a reflection of this sense of home we are experiencing internally. We can choose to share our 'home' with others or keep it locked inside us. The latter goes against the grain of what home means to me. Home for me involves sharing experiences, and creating a space for comfort and safety, for both myself and the people in my world.
It seems strange to find small blessings in a situation that is taking so many lives. With most of us currently required to 'stay at home' I am finding comfort in things that have been dormant for so long. At last, my sense of home is truly returning as I fill my space with tangible reflections of my thoughts, dreams and plans. In this mixed-up, confusing time, it feels like a missing puzzle piece is slotting into place. I wonder if others are experiencing small blessings too, and what this might look like for them.
This picture was taken in 2015, when I was traveling through Scotland with my mom and brother.
I was so far away from 'home', yet had never felt more at home in my life.
I hope you are staying safe xo
