Notification

There’s one question I get far more commonly than any other; I am asked this same question (with slight variations) a minimum of several times a week.  Sometimes it comes by email, sometimes phone, sometimes text, sometimes Twitter and sometimes in person.  That question is, “Can you let me know when [you do whatever thing it is the enquirer is interested in]?” and the answer is always “no”.  The questioner most often wants to know when I’ll be visiting his city, or when I’ll be releasing a new book, or something like that, but I’ve seen some unusual variations.  Obviously, these people just aren’t thinking things through; apparently they’ve gotten used to automated notifications on their computers or phones which remind them of everything from doctor’s appointments to their kids’ birthdays to when to take a crap, and they don’t stop to consider that I probably don’t have access to such software.  I don’t honestly believe it’s the same syndrome that drives the “Debate me!” narcissists, because the notice-seekers are usually friendly rather than demanding and often want to be reminded so they can spend money on me, unlike the time-wasters.  Be that as it may, the logistics are still impossible; there’s only one of me and thousands of fans, and since I can barely remember things I need to do personally without Google calendar and automated billing, the chances of my remembering to remind other people who (no offense, y’all) are not members of my immediate social circle are essentially nil.  Fortunately, I don’t need to; I announce trips and such in my weekly diary columns (which usually appear on Tuesday, and occasionally on Monday or Thursday) and Twitter, so if you follow either this blog or my Twitter feed you’ll have all the notification you need…unless I forget to post it there, of course, but if that starts happening it’ll be indicative of a much more serious problem.