Matt wrote:
As you note, the likelihood that any of one’s lifelong, presumably straight, friends being gay is slim to none.
Exactly. Let me tell you something. I have known 100’s of guys, boys and men, who were my friends. We hung out together. I was over at their place. They were over at my place. We went out and did stuff together. We double-dated. We went on trips together, even overnighters. They would sleep in one bed, and I would sleep in another, or they could have the couch or the floor.
Pretty quickly would always I decide whether these new friends were gay or not because frankly I do not associate with gay guys. But honestly there is nothing to worry about because some secretly gay guy isn’t going to try to befriend you in the first place.
After a very brief period, I made a determination that all of these guys were straight and just left it at that and never thought about it again. Not even one of these guys ever turned out to be a “secret homosexual.” Not even one. Not ever.
Gay men simply do not befriend straight men and have typical straight guy type friendships, with some exceptions.* Also my friendships with males are all wrapped up in women. We would get together and go chase women or try to get some women. It was always, “Hey let’s you and me go the bar and get some chicks.” We spent a lot of time talking about women and sex. I would not say the whole friendship revolved around that, but that was a big aspect of it. No way is some secret gay guy going to be your friend and pretend to be a pussyhound. Forget it.
Your best friend is not a secret queer!
It is true that I have befriended some guys who turned out to be bisexuals. However, most of them made their gay trip known very quickly if they were already out and active. Fact is a guy like that is going to try to suck your dick almost immediately, and that is exactly what all of them more or less did. And even if he doesn’t actively proposition you, he is going to start acting very weird very fast with a lot of queery insinuation, especially in conversation. Unless you are an idiot, you catch onto the weird gay misdirection of the conversation real quick.
I had another friend who later got into bisexuality, but I knew him very well for years before and he was not into that stuff as we used to talk about that quite often.
I think he had some potential there but he just chose not to act on it which is very common and normal. I almost never even got gay vibes off him except once when we were going swimming in the pool, and we were all changing into our swimsuits and we were getting naked. He looked at me naked and yelled, “Woo woo! Look at Bob!” when I was naked. I thought, “What the fuck dude? Are you a fag or what? Shut up idiot.” Then I thought, “You know what? I didn’t hear that,” and I just brushed that off and figured he had some potential there in his head because actually a lot of straight guys make the occasional weird faggoty remark.
He moved up to Hollywood and drifted into bisexuality or rather was blackmailed and forced into it by some gay predator. But he got into it quite willingly. He still had an extremely strong drive towards women as he always had that, and by the time he started screwing guys, he had already fucked a battalion or so of females. Despite his weird bi trip, I must say the guy was one of the biggest studs I have ever known.
After he got into that lifestyle, he changed quite a bit, and at times, he gave off heavy duty gay vibes around me.
Once was over at this place in Hollywood where he was living with this queer. I had spent the night on the couch and woke up realizing that my best friend was apparently now into getting fucked in the ass, which is a pretty damn weird realization!
I lost a contact lens that morning after I woke up. They both made up this silly gay game called “Looking for the Lost Contact Lens” and used that as an excuse to put their hands all over my face and upper body. My attitude was, “Sigh. Ok boys, have your fun. Just don’t go too far.” He was totally into this game, first time I had ever seen him act that way towards me. I guess at that point, he had acted on his potential and more or less flipped on the light switch. Prior to that, apparently potential was there but a 100 watt bulb gives off no light at all until you switch it on.
*I did have one friend who later turned out to be gay, but he was not out at the time. This was a case of a gay man who surrounded himself with straight guys. However, this 19-20 year old guy had not come to terms with his sexual orientation yet, was still struggling, did not even know he was gay, and was not active.
His apartment downstairs from mine was a party house. There were a lot of women and drugs around back then. We were using a lot of cocaine and weed at his place and and he acted like the women were not there. We would give some chick the money, she would go get us the cocaine, and come back and deliver it to us, and we would be doing lines and one of us would say about the chick who got us the dope, “Damn what I would give to fuck that chick!” He got really offended at remarks like that and acted like it was a gross or horrible thing to say. I thought that was pretty weird. I didn’t get it at the time. I thought he was just an altar boy.
Also a high school friend of mine was later found to be gay. He moved to Hollywood, got AIDS and died very fast.
At the time we knew him, I really do not think he was out at all because we got no gay vibes from him. He was just a stoner friend, and we used his room at his parents’ house as a sort of a hashish den. Now that I think back, he didn’t have a girlfriend, but most of us didn’t. But he also never talked about chicks, and that was weird.
Note that neither of these guys were out, presumably neither one had actually come to terms with his sexuality yet and neither one was actively gay, so calling them gay is a bit of a misnomer.
Bottom line is worrying that your best guy friend is a “secret queer” is about the stupidest thing that any man could ever worry about. Getting hit by lightning is probably more likely.
